I have to say when the Kindle first came out and there was all this hype about how it would revolution the written word I acted like I wasn’t impressed in the least. I laughed and snorted at supporters of the device. I questioned if they were still living in their mother’s basement playing Worlds of Warcraft and to some—when I was feeling especially malicious—I’d ask whether they jerked off to anime before or after they built their super computers. I am not proud of these moments. I never thought I would get so illogical and fearful of technology. Faster than I ever expected I had become a decrepit old curmudgeon in love with the way things used to be. I thought I would at least be in my thirties before shit stories about the glory days began flowing out my mouth.
Yes, the Kindle scared me. What if it started teaching people to read right to left or inside out? Kids would grow up being able to read in any direction [note: there is no evidence to support the Kindle attempting to change the direction in which people read]. How would I compete with them when I can only read the old fashioned way, the left to right march to senility? Yes, thanks to the Kindle, I envisioned myself as a bumbling old man slogging up the street (an uphill battle) with one of them old country books in my hand, those books with the manual page turning requirement, while future generations of youth would run around me and throwing rotten avocados. I don’t know why they’d throw avocados, but that’s what I always imagine.
But then one night I got a call.
“Hello?”
“Are you really going to be a dick about this and ignore all the great possibilities there are out there?”* asked the person on the other end of the line. Then they hung up. I wasn’t completely sure who it was, but after a day of thinking I realized that it must have been Kindle itself calling, urging me to rethink my original stance on the technology.
So I did. I’m glad I did. This is what I came up with:

It’s not a book The biggest argument against the Kindle seems to come from a person who enjoys the feel of a real book in their hands. They like the aura and warmth the real paper gives them. The warm of a former living tree, almost as if each word on the page is a breath the former tree took while alive, in and out, in and out, left to right...well, I think I’m going to have to call you on bullshit with this excuse. It’s a lazy reason not to at least check out the kindle. It’s also very tired and recycled. We’ve heard similar excuses for years from record collectors complaining about tapes, then tape collectors complaining about CDs, and CD owners complained about the MP3. Basically, those in love with the feel of the book haven’t given the Kindle a proper look. In fact, I’m willing to bet the intimate nature one feels with a book will be heightened by the Kindle based on its design and easy handling and page turning features. The Kindle isn’t like some mechanical substitute for the real thing the way a sex toy tides one’s desires over until they can get the real thing. No, the Kindle is more than that. It is a device whose sexual comparison hasn’t even been invented yet. The Kindle is whatever the future holds for us in terms of a sexual substitute that is ten times more pleasurable.

Books cost too much and you can only get them from Amazon People have raised questions about the price of buying each book on from Amazon and how there isn’t an option to buy used books and books for cheap. First let me say that Amazon should be commended for selling best sellers as low as $9.99. They are working at a loss for having titles that low. As for Amazon being the only place to get books for the Kindle, that has already been beating.

I don’t want to buy all my books from Amazon. They’re a bunch of communists. Like I said above, people have already hacked the Kindle so you can load ebooks purchases from places other than Amazon.

Aren’t we breaking the law if we hack the Kindle? Don’t be a pussy. I honestly don’t know whether it’s illegal to hack the Kindle, but I don’t see why it would be illegal to modify something you bought. Now, if we’re talking about pirated material being loaded on the Kindle then it’s a different story, but I don’t see it being any worse than downloading music. And if your against pirated music then good for you. Go be president.
And just so you know, Amazon seems to understand that Kindle can be hacked:
" all devices can be hacked. That's something people can do."
*Later I would learn that it was my mother who called me on the phone that night, not Kindle.