First the quarter notes began looking like leeches; then the half notes began looking like sperm. It was official: Audrey Hepburn had drove me mad. Every time a film of hers came out, she fucked the score’s composer. Our ‘Roman Holiday’ didn’t take place in Rome, but in my apartment in Paris. Our affair, if you will let me call it that, lasted only four days. She etched her fingernails into my back forever.

I am haunted. Haunted by Dick. He comes to me in my sleep – denim jacket, jeans, Doc Martens, and then platform shoes, flowery dress, feather boa, with dog collar, with tortoiseshell, wire-rimmed, and aviator glasses, handbag, bow tie, and wig. He comes to me at night from deep in the closet, runs his hands over my hair, my ears, pinches my nose, I open my mouth and in he sweeps, present, presence, and he speaks Enochian. This is what he says:

February 4 – Karen Carpenter listening to the doctor telling her that she’s on her death bed. Karen Carpenter wanting to die playing the drums. The doctor thinking for a minute and saying he prefers a singing Karen Carpenter to a drumming one. My arms, says Karen Carpenter, are thin as drumsticks. Karen Carpenter imagining attacking the doctor with her arms.

I was born exactly two years after Bill Fury, an actor whom I've never heard of, died of heart failure at the age of 42. January 28, 1983—Bill Fury is watering plants, or eating a sandwich, or making freshly squeezed orange juice or lemonade. Something with citrus, surely. He takes a sip, chokes down a seed or two, and smiles.

Listen or watch Andy Riverbed read this story

At the age of twelve, Maxie Anderson wrote a letter to the president of Frito Lay. It read as follows:

April 20, 1946

Dayno first died that afternoon in October of 1983, at age twenty-nine, down in the belly of a container ship. He grew dizzy, extremities chilled, felt his heart pounding around “like a sack of wet cement inside a Maytag,” as he put it when I visited him two days later at University Hospital, after the triple bypass and the diagnosis.

false refugee mia crumbled ghetto packs suitcase to ak-47 tune in vagabond panties leaking spunk upon ossified ancestors but with the few things she keeps, a plastic idol,

Months later he crept from the birthing duct of a gang-banged muse, fully formed, suit and tie, cold sore, burning and corkscrewing shut the eyes of convention with the mad idiot sunlight of his own ape-shit grin. His first act was to hold out a thumb against a blank wall.

Squinting, he said, 'me voy a las mil maravillas!' and it was so.

Earl Silas Tupper (1907 – 1983) is the most important individual to have ever walked the surface of the planet, for Earl Silas Tupper invented Tupperware. Without this product, it is a scientific fact that society and human life as we know it would have ended in 1960.