Ah,
the blogosphere! It is a mystical realm bustling with lore and
incontrovertible truths, where gnomes tread the same ground as the
dictatorial ogres that have forever subjugated them. Where trees of
wisdom sprout from the finest members of the Young Republicans, and
where you can rectify your sins with the click of a mouse [Eternal
Salvation just $1.95 a month!].
So
wonderful is the blogosphere that it troubled me deeply when I was
forced to take a brief hiatus. You see, I was visiting my friend, Mr.
Keegan Hamilton, in his native Turkmenistan. Being that the lauded
Hamilton is a Turkmenistanian prince, I could not turn down the
invitation he and the imperial family extended to me. Twould have been
a cultural faux pas if ever one existed.So,
rather than spur an international crisis I humbly accepted the
distinction bestowed upon me by the Turkmenistanians and took up
residence at their regal estate for one week's time, during which we
dined on the finest cheeses and cured meats in all the land.
"Sire," I would say. "Where are ye servants? I've an urge for mango chutney and lamb."
His men were at my beck and call.
So
allow me to apologize for leaving the music world relatively unattended
to. I am well aware that artists do not push back release dates so that
I can dine on the freshest whale blubber from the briniest of deeps,
but it is not each day one is afforded the opportunity to study
Sanskrit with men so revered they may as well be gods.
Do,
however, check out the latest review of Dementia Inspired Nursery
Rhymes: Sweaty Diapers in June's latest release 'Cacophony Hall: Mr.
Jenkins' Day at the Zoo.'
If
you like jokes about dementia (which you shouldn't) you'll love this
record. If your grandfather is named Mr. Jenkins, well, I apologize.
The
record's sixth track, 'Jenkins lost his belt, pull your pants up Ole
Jenkins,' is as harrowing as it is beautiful. I've set up a foundation
to help raise money for a new belt for Jenkins.
To donate to the Jenkins Belt Fund,
just call 555-555-5555 and ask for Jenkins. He probably won't remember
why you're calling him, though.
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