as always this picture isn't a realistic representation of interviewed

I got a chance to trade emails with Mr. Ben Tanzer over the past couple weeks. He’s an interesting character, but you can’t help feel bad for him when you hear of how he got caught in the cult movement of TBWCYL.

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I believe it was you, Ben Tanzer, who was curious about when you would receive your would receive your official interview request from Everyday Yeah. I commend you on your research. You figured us out pretty easy. I am a little confused though on why you referred to yourself in the plural ("Our only remaining question is when should we expect our official interview request?"). Does the man Ben Tanzers only come in bulk, not individually sold? Maybe it is in response to Everyday Yeah's use of the plural. Or maybe it is a condition from childhood when your entire family died off and you used the pronoun "we" to pretend you weren't alone in this cold world (If this last part is true then I apologize it was never meant to be anything more than a weak joke). Anyway, to answer your question, the interview starts now.

Why “we?” Good question. First off, not only is Lucky Man author and TBWCYL, Inc. spokesperson Ben Tanzer a Gemini, but in fact consumed his twin brother Aaron in utero and now feels obligated to ensure his voice is heard by the world. Wow, was that wrong, it sounded good during the brainstorm. Second, Ben Tanzer is a firm believer in past lives and since he is on fairly good speaking terms with those he was before, Eleanor Roosevelt and Deney Terrio just to name a few, he feels that when he speaks he speaks for all of them. Wait a minute, our assistant says Deney Terrio is still alive, it’s just his career that’s dead. Sorry. Third, and foremost though, we have this book being released by an independent publisher with no marketing budget and we are trying to figure out how to rise above the clutter and create a little buzz. We have this idea that we can treat Lucky Man as more than a book, that it can be marketed as an experience, a product that changes lives, cures the ill, and maybe even makes the reader a better lover, writer, reader, gardener, junkie, Furry, whatever their thing. We want the whole process to be like the monorail episode of The Simpsons, except that we have to act like people want Lucky Man and need Lucky Man even though we know, and they know, they don’t. It also seems to us that a product has to come from a corporation of some kind, albeit a faux corporation in this case, so we created Lucky Man, Inc. and then developed “This Blog Will Change Your Life” as a platform for the new company to spread the Lucky Man gospel. When we hit 100 posts we decided to re-brand the company as TBWCYL, Inc. with the idea that it isn’t good business to focus on Lucky Man alone when we want to write more books and launch more products, for example, “This Podcast Will Change Your Life,” which we have launched, “This Zine Will Change Your Life,” which we’re accepting submissions for now at thiszinewillchangeyourlife@yahoo.com, and “This Perfume Will Change Your Life,” which is still down the road a ways, but is going to be a nice mix of cumin and cinnamon, with a touch of ocean breeze and Zima. So, why “we?” Because Ben Tanzer is merely the spokesperson for TBWCYL, Inc., representing the entire staff here at headquarters, everyone from the typesetters to the CEO. It’s a team effort, and there is no “I” in team.

It's funny that you mention eating your twin brother while in your womb because my roommate said he did that once or maybe I'm just imagining things. Anyway, what has been your response (or what will be your response) when people come to you upset that even though TBWCYL did change their life it changed it for the worst. Their lives, which used to be pleasant, are horrible messes. I mean, are you guys really at fault?

That’s a great question. Our lawyers state we are not, or would not be, at fault. No life-changing agreements have been signed, and as no true advertising is in place, no false advertising theoretically exists. We would add, that we have regularly reminded the followers of This Blog Will Change Your Life that what we can mainly offer them is the possibility for change of some kind, sometimes good, sometimes bad, and hopefully more of the former. Still, your question nags at us, not unlike the oozing boil we’ve had in the crook of our arm since our early days in New York City. Not an ongoing distraction, but a presence, and a reminder of the roads not taken. Frankly, what truly nags at us is not that we might ruin a life here or there, that happens all the time on the kinds of meteoric climbs to the top we are currently engaged in. And when it happens, we feel bad, but we move on, we have to. No, what nags at us, is that despite what we believe to be an overtly tongue-in-cheek, not to mention unabashedly narcissistic send-up of like campaigns, there still might be people who believe they really do need something like Lucky Man to change their lives and so their disappointment is more profound, and their rejection more intense, when it does not. That would be most unfortunate for everyone involved, especially when all we could then offer them is a signed, limited edition, hemp-based TBWCYL, Inc. T-shirt from American Apparel.

Oh, I'm a fan of T-shirts. I once got a calvin and hobbes t-shirt in sixth grade and would only wear it to dances. Then eventually it got old, but I kept wearing it up through college. It's since been retired. Tell me what t-shirt are you wearing right now. Also, I suggest that you add http://whatchedgewears.blogspot.com/ to your daily rotation of blogs to check out. Lastly, I ask you, who is deb?

Yes, we also love the t-shirt, we think of it as a staple really, like buttless chaps, and today we are wearing a navy blue, long-sleeved t-shirt with sweat whisking capabilities. Not so coincidentally, the shirt happens to contain the links for our publisher Manx Media - www.manxmedia.com.luckyman/htm - our blog “This Blog Will Change Your Life” - http://bentanzer.blogspot.com/ - and the home of our YouTube faux marketing videos - http://www.youtube.com/user/bentanzer. Crazy, right? Meanwhile, we will be sure to visit the blog you have recommended and are thinking about how best to answer that proverbial question, “who is deb?” We think this question is a fine one, but more important to us than “who is deb,” would be “what is deb,” and maybe more accurately, what is Deb to TBWCYL, Inc.? We also think that the best way to respond is to direct you to the following lyrics from the song “You’re the Inspiration” by the groundbreaking band Chicago, because more than anything we can say, these lyrics answer the question simply and sweetly and without any kind of agenda. We would add though, that is helps to add “Deb” prior to any use of “you’re” and following any use of “you.”

“(Deb) You're the meaning in my life

(Deb) you're the inspiration.

(Deb) You bring feeling to my life

(Deb) you're the inspiration.

Wanna have you (Deb) near me

I wanna have you (Deb) hear me sayin'

No one needs you (Deb) more than I need you (Deb).

Speaking of Chicago (and I must cry ignorance on the subject, this question is only to help my own knowledge of the band) which member would you most like to have as your father, which one would you most be willing to kiss, which one would you like to be picked up by hitchhiking, which one would you let sleep in your bed, and which one would you only allow to sleep on the couch?

You touch on a really interesting and somewhat painful subject for us, though we recognize that on some unconscious level we pushed you to ask this question. At TBWCYL, Inc. we like to separate the professional from the personal, we feel there’s not just more mystery that way, but stronger boundaries between the staff and our adoring, albeit some times unrelenting fans. When it comes to Chicago though, our feelings are so raw we think it’s better to let our guard down and just respond. You asked which member of Chicago would we most like to be our father, and so here and now we would like to address the fact that TBCWYL, Inc. spokesperson Ben Tanzer has fought a long, some times disheartening battle to prove that Peter Cetera the former lead singer of Chicago is in fact his biological father. As Ben’s mother Judy tells it, back in 1968 as Chicago was starting its climb to the top, and for the record still called Chicago Transit Authority, they passed through Ben’s native Manitoba for a show, and Judy found herself spending a long romantic evening with Mr. Cetera their budding star. Nine months later Ben arrived. Chicago never came back through town and Judy’s calls to Mr. Cetera went unreturned. For many years Ben heeded his mother’s request and kept this assignation a secret, but recently he has sought validation in the form of Mr. Cetera acknowledging Ben as his progeny. Ben would like to add here, that this effort has nothing to do with his desire to bring extra attention to him at the same moment Lucky Man happens to be fighting for increased buzz and Markey share, but he does hope that Mr. Cetera will see this interview and be moved to respond to one desperate son’s desire to connect with his real father. Ben knows this is a long shot of course, but he still believes in dreams. He also invites you to visit his website www.peterceteraismyfatherandicanproveit.com for further documentation and support of his claims, DNA test, motel receipts, etc., and hopes that while you are there you will consider buying his new self-published memoir Daddy, Come Home, The Sad Yet Ultimately Triumphant Story of Peter Cetera’s Bastard Canadian Son.

That's a very touching story, but in a way isn't your creation just a grand marketing scheme on the part of Chicago? Has TBWCYL given any thought into littering the countryside with thousands of pregnant mothers filled with illegitimate bastards? At least half those children would grow up desperately seeking fatherly love and you could easily put them to work in the name of TBWCYL.

Wow, it’s amazing watching our house of cards collapse Mamet-like all around us like this, though if we are to come clean the conspiracy goes far beyond what you intimate. To summarize, I was approached in 2006 by a representative of Chicago who shall remain nameless. This representative was looking to work with me, Ben Tanzer, then an obscure Chicago-based writer, with a small, but fervid following, so as to achieve two goals, one, generate buzz for Chicago as they entered their fifth decade in the business by getting them a mention in the world-renowned website/blog “Everyday Yeah” and two, further besmirch the reputation of former lead singer Peter Cetera, whose acrimonious departure from the group and subsequent work with Amy Grant, still left the members of his former band with a taste in their mouth so acrid no amount of Redbull could kill it. Their plan was simple, ghostwrite a life-changing novel, put my name on it, create a faux corporation and corresponding blog, wait for “Everyday Yeah” to write a Lucky Man non-review, casually ask for an interview, and then once granted, talk about the band as often as possible, while simultaneously bashing Peter Cetera, who truth to be told, I nor my mother have ever actually met. The plan has clearly progressed like clockwork, better maybe than we could have hoped for, but not unlike Andy Pettite, I now long for contrition. That said, this still leaves us with the one question that the whole plan was always contingent on - how would “Everyday Yeah” come across Lucky Man in the first place? And so if I too am allowed to ask a question, I ask you this, how did “Everyday Yeah” come across the book? Obviously, I’ve done what I could to subtly bring it to your attention, for example, the subliminal messages I have been placing in the notes your mom puts in your Transformers lunch box every morning, but what ultimately worked for us, what got Lucky Man into your lives and into your heads, and how did your non-review come about? Meanwhile, in terms of the second half of your question, as I always tell my good friend Pete Anderson (www.petelit.com/), who clearly covets a staff position here, we have plenty of work to go around at TBWCYL, Inc., it’s highly satisfying, and we can offer any amount of the fatherly love you require. However, if you want to work for us, you need to be prepared to stop paying your mortgage and for you and your family to go hungry. If that’s cool with you though, it’s definitely cool with us.

To answer your question about how the non-review came about, it was something of luck. At first, I actually forgot how I came upon your blog, but then I stumbled across your link again at the Amy Guth blog and remembered she was the reason. I don't know how I found her, but it happened. Let's turn our attention to her for a bit. Are you guys good friends? What's one thing that you know about her that no one else knows? What's one thing she knows about you?

Interesting, now are Amy and I good friends? That’s a great question. I like to think of us as best friends and I regularly ask her if I am allowed to tell people that we are. She says “why do we have put labels on everything, isn’t what we have special enough for you?” And you know what, that works for me, because Amy is a very cool chick, a great writer, check out Three Fallen Women, a very entertaining blogger, definitely check out Big Mouth Indeed Strikes Again, and a real supporter of Lucky Man and mine, which I most definitely appreciate. She’s also putting on a very cool literary fest this May here in Chicago called the Pilcrow Lit Fest which you’re many readers can learn more about at www.pilcrowlitefest.com/. What I know about her that few others know, is that she formally sang in the band Boyz N Girlz United, which has this really cool conceptual thing going for it – it was a boy band with girls. Hot, right? I was actually their manager for awhile, and Amy was sort of the fifth wheel. Things for the band kind of imploded after Robbie left Amy for Britney while they were touring and Amy and Robbie broke-up. Amy hates to talk about it, but after five or six drinks she is known to refer to Britney as Yoko. What she knows about me is that I was formerly a woman. There now everyone knows. And for the record, I’ve never felt freer.

I feel honored that you would share that with us. Speaking of your new found sexuality and the mention of boy band phenomena, have you ever been in a boy band and if not which one do you wish you were apart of?

You’re welcome, and no, despite much effort, and many long, long, nights spent hanging out with Lou Pearlman, I’ve never been lucky enough to land a coveted spot in a boy band. Now, which one do I wish I was part of, that’s easy, O-Town, all the way. They were the last and the lamest of the boy bands. They didn’t care that the whole fad was coming to a crashing halt. Or that they couldn’t really sing or dance. Nor were they self-conscious about the fact that their popularity was fueled in large part by their being endlessly embarrassed on an unbelievably weak MTV reality show. They did what they had to do, they hustled, and they spoke to me in a way that nobody had since NKOTB. Rock on O-Town.

I once new a kid name sean. His last name began with an O. People called him O-town. I rode in his car once. I don't think he was in the band. Anyway, what do people call you?
And also, how long do you want this interview to go on for?
I was thinking about putting it up soon, like real soon, but have enjoyed our conversation. Maybe this can turn into something like an infinite interview, no?

They call me Mr. Tanzer.

As far as how long this interview should go on for, I’ve enjoyed it as well, and infinite sounds great, but by all means put it up as soon as you’re ready, the audience can probably only take so much anyway. Also, I realized that I wrote the Pilcrow Lit Fest’s website incorrectly, it isn’t actually the Pilcrow Lite Fest, so should read www.pilcrowlitfest.com/.

And thanks for the interest, it really has been a lot of fun.

Ben

So I guess this will continue on into infinity. Until we get there, love to everyone, especially you Mr. Tanzer.