Mad Money is a new movie with Queen Latifah, Katie Holmes, and Diane Keaton. I won’t lie; I was giddy when I got to the movie house. There was a certain hum in theatre but the opening scene killed any joy and excitement that had built up prior to the movie. I was especially ecstatic because I had brought a beach ball to pass around the audience and get the energy up for this movie and it had done a magical job. Unfortunately, Mad Money might possibly be the worst opening sequence I’ve ever seen.

It starts out with Diane Keeton topless, sitting in a bathtub up to her waist in suds. She is talking to herself in French about some past lover or at least that’s what I interpreted the scene as. Anyway, I think she said the guy’s name was Leroy or Elvis or something like that, but I can’t remember. I just know it isn’t a common American name like Jack or Tom. Then she stops talking and stares into the camera and says, “I remember when these used to turn people on. I remember when men wanted to fuck me.” The scene went black and a male’s laughter came over the speakers. For a good thirty seconds the laughter built up and by the end everyone in the audience unmistakably knew they had just heard a track of Jack Nicholson. Then another man’s voice came over the speaker and that was just as recognizable. It was Morgan Freeman. “Hello everybody,” he said, “I hope you enjoy Mad Money. Make sure you go check out The Bucket List staring me and my friend Jack.

Then a third voice jumped on the speakers and said, “What the hell are you old motherfuckers doing? Get out of my movie.”

Of course, that was Queen Latifah.

I walked out of the movie house twenty seconds later with my beach ball.