Zach, Alex, and Mark all saw Be Kind Rewind. They liked it and decided to chat about it. Here is the transcript unedited because we wanted it to be real and because we're lazy.

Mark Baumer has joined the chat

Alex Butzbach has joined the chat.

zach forsbergLary has joined the chat.

zach: what up g's

Mark: yo

Alex: Please don't call me that.

zach: so how do you sk8r punx wanna do this?

Mark: i don't really know

i just figured i'd say be kind rewind

and then someone else would say it

zach: be kind rewind

then what?

should alex say it too?

Alex: Well, I might begin by saying that I really like the title of the movie.

be kind rewind

zach: ok... now that that's out of the way...

Alex: I hate movies that have esoteric titles that only apply to, like, one scene at the end of the movie.

"Silence of the Lambs," anyone?

zach: i hate when people use the word esoteric in a chat...

lolzor

Alex: Why? It just means "bad," right?

As in, "Wow, that burrito I just ate was ESOTERIC! I'm talkin' shitty!"

zach: yeah... right... *groan

Mark: i hate when two people of the people in a three person chat are in the same room

Alex: We're actually in different rooms.

zach: we're separated by a wall.

Alex: Zach shut his door.

Mark: thank goodness

Alex: Wait...watch this.

Did you hear that, Zach?

zach: i only shut the door so i could look at pr0n without being bothered.

no.

hear what?

mark can you hear this?

Mark: no

Alex: I just threw masking tape at the wall.

zach: what?

i have headphones on.

Mark: i only hear master of puppets playing on my roommates computer

Alex: I think Zach just sent a cruise missle to your house. I'd be surprised if you didn't hear it, Mark.

zach: so did you guys like the movie? like, "like" like it?

Mark: best movie of 2008

so far

Alex: Well, I just talked to "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," and she said that "Science of Sleep" said that "Armageddon" said that "Be Kind Rewind" liked me, like, A TON.

zach: i only saw BKR and SU2TS, so this was by far the best... oh and i saw that pile of dogshit "Juno"

Alex: But you know Armageddon. (on aderol).

zach: isn't it "adderall"

Alex: Yeah, I liked this movie a lot.

zach: or "aderall"

or something?

Alex: No, I was referring to the planet. The big one with the rings?

zach: i did too. i liked the parts when i laughed and the other parts where my heart was touched.

Mark: if you see one movie this year see batman...if you see two movies this year see be kind rewind and batman...and to continue if you see three movies this year see batman, be kind rewind, walle. if you see a fourth make sure its rambo. oh wait, iron man too. so that will be the fifth movie and if you have to see six movies then you should see step up 2 the streets

sorry

that was too long

zach: oh... if you see seven, rent "the color purple" whoopi is hot in it.

Sent at 4:43 PM on Thursday

zach: so i said to alex when we were sitting in the theater (alex... you might recall)... that Michel Gondry has a way of making a large-budget movie with big-name actors have a sort of low budget, arts-and-crafts feel... which isn't getting old yet.

maybe it will after like 7 or 8 films... but so far so good.

Alex: If you see only one made for TV movie miniseries based on articles from Playboy in 1988, I'd highly recommend "Ergibt Gut Ruckspulen."

Mark: yeah, i'll never eat a pizza the same way again

Alex: Or play an organ with kids as pipes.

zach: or dress in blackface.

Mark: or drive a cardboard car

zach wins

zach: thanks.

Alex: Or watch "Lethal Weapon."

Yeah.

zach: i already won... mark said so.

you can't score after a win.

Mark: he's just doing it for charity

Alex: Yeah, but you double-faulted.

zach: i also like that good-looking people (like jack black? and mos def?) look normal with natural lighting and minimal makeup.

i didn't double fault you ass-cake.

if anything you and mark did.

Alex: I agree, though I'm not sure if I prefer Mos Def as a rapper or actor.

zach: i only served once. and i still won.

Mark: i kind of want to see jack black and mos def remake be kind rewind

Alex: Maybe he should play Tupac in a movie and call it a night.

zach: i prefer him as a mathematician... but he just acts these days.

Mark: mos def seemed a bit mentally challenged in this movie

zach: hahaha... that would be cool.

Alex: Yeah. It would probably look like an infomercial on a 2 dollar budget.

AKA every movie I've ever made.

zach: he seems mentally challenged all the time. i wonder if he is?

Mark: i still liked him

zach: me too.

i like the handicrapped...

Alex: I thought he was great.

zach: oops.

*capped

Alex: And unconventially attractive.

zach: i think he's conventionally attractive.

Mark: i don't look to conventions or unconventions for beauty

zach: he's got a nice figure and a smooth complexion... and distinct chiseled facial features.

Alex: Well, my conventions for attractiveness are usually confined to women, so...ad hoc ergo propter hoc, ipso fact = I'm right.

zach: don't ever say such dumb meaningless bullshit again...

and you forgot the 'o' on "fact"

did you guys catch the cameo by the martin from science of sleep...

Mark: have you guys seen michel gondry solve a rubix cube with his nose

zach: he was waiting in line at the store.

Mark: blows will smiths performance in pursuit of happiness out of the water

zach: no, but i want to... i smell a viral youtube success.

Alex: I'll also refer to something Zach and I agreed upon last night - the parts of the movies they chose as emblematic were funny. Like, the stuff that isn't unimportant to the movie on the whole but that everyone remembers were what their movies basically were. Like getting slimed in Ghostbusters. Or the running around the spaceship in 2001.

Mark: oh i missed martin

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pB8XedMowDU&feature=related

zach: i mean serge, i think...and i think you mean "important" instead of "unimportant" alex.

oh shit... he really did solve that shit.

with his nose.

Alex: Boy, that Michel video gives new meaning to the phrase, "Major combat operations in Iraq are concluded, and we are victorious."

zach: no it doesn't.

Alex: Here's my question: I love Gondry's movies, but why the fuck did his parents give him a girl's name?

zach: what are you even saying? it's francais.

and you know that.

Alex: He probably got beat up a lot as a kid and got all introverted. That's why his movies are so cutesy and precocious.

zach: low-brow-howard.

Mark: isn't mos def french

zach: yeah for most deaf.

Alex: No, he's actually belgian. common mistake.

zach: so i guess he is retarded, as in deaf.

Alex: Danny Glover, is in fact, a Korean woman named Soo-Ling.

zach: why do we call him danny glover?

Mark: i feel like every movie with danny glover doens't need danny glover

Alex: Cuz mittenz don't work.

zach: i agree.

Alex: Yeah, it needs Morgan Freeman.

zach: his role should have been played by anyone else.

except morgan freeman...

who should die.

instead of being the wise old black mentor.

again...

Alex: I don't know if I agree...I think he's the genial, salt-of-the-earth equivalent of Morgan Freeman who I find so much more pallatable.

zach: really? danny glover didn't really add or detract for me... he was just kind of there.

he could have been played by my little sister, and i would have at least gotten something out of the movie.

Alex: Yeah, without trying to rationalize it (because seriously: how can I?), I like Danny Glover.

Mark: that's what i;m saying he's always there there was nothing he brought

zach: same with mia farrow... didn't have to be her. could have been any number of women over 55.

Alex: He's a gentle, chocolate-hued hand with a salt-and-pepper beard guiding you towards comfort.

...or so I've been told.

zach: oh it's already been broughten.

Mark: i thought they were going to kiss

Alex: I'm happy/dissapointed they didn't.

cliche/adorable...I can't decide.

zach: i thought that several times about different people... which was nice to be smoochy-blue-balled for once in a movie.

how is it cliche not to have kises, if anything it's the exact opposite.

Alex: If you like smoochy-blue-balls....HAVE I GOT A SHOP FOR YOU!

zach: every movie ever has people kissing.

Alex: ...it's called "Pier 1 Imports."

zach: do you know what cliche means?

Mark: no movie has a guy hanging himself while pleasuring himself

be kind rewind doesn't either

just wanted to say no movie does

zach: i agree.

Alex: Aha. Mark has discovered the Transitive Property of Film.

Mark: boy if anybody reads this review to the end they're dedicated

zach: yeah, i guess... ignore the facts.

Mark: lava beans!

carpet!

zach: "life as a house" has autoerotic asphyxiation... "waiting for godot" (albeit an adaptation of a play) makes explicit reference to it... it's everywhere.

those are just the first two that come to mind... i bet there are tons more films that have or reference it.

haden christianson (sp) loves to hang himself and wank.

Mark: yeah, i'm just not up to date on film

Alex: I JUST TOOK A SHIT.

Mark: or the history of such things

[cool]

zach: kewl... i was just disproving your stupid phony property of film.

Alex: That was a bonus for those with dedication.

It wasn't my property. I just identified. Mark discovered it. Mark's like Einstein, and I'm, like, the guy who told everybody that Einstein was smart.

Hitler, I think it was.

Mark: mark once went sledding with einsteinskiberg

zach: i liked how the movie seemed to set itself up to (i.e. the first 20 minutes) be the kind of movie it later tried to show that a good movie doesn't have to be. (special effects, slapstick, love story, raise enough money to keep what we love plot/character tropes)...

Sent at 5:06 PM on Thursday

Mark: good point

if i was a movie then i wouldn't mind being this one

Alex: Well, I hope you guys have some excellent analysis that follows. I must now take my leave so that my friend can feed his sister's dog. Sort of in the same way that I am a dog, and Michel Gondry fed me of my fill of excellent filmmaking.

Flourish. Exeunt. Curtain.

Mark: i think it would hurt to be a movie will all kinds special effects

but we live in the steroid era

see ya alez

i think we should call it now

zach: shit i gotta go do the same thing as alex. can we continue this later?

Mark: the three way review should be an ongoing work in progress

zach: nice...

Mark: anyone have any problems if i plan to paste this entire chat up as the review?

Sent at 5:11 PM on Thursday

zach: not at all alex says no too.

If that chat wasn't bad enough here is a picture review