Hellboy 2 left a post it on the refrigerator to remind
himself to wear sunglasses. He did not
want people to know who he was. It was
his birthday. He did not remember. A gilled man gave him an iPod and a birthday
card. Hellboy 2 did not believe in
MP3. He did not understand them. He once believed in Santa Claus. Then one day his father said Santa Claus died. Hellboy 2 cried. That was a long time ago. Still sometimes he would look up in the sky
and wonder. He forgot his sunglasses
when he left the house. George Michael’s
grandfather was very upset. He no longer
lived in the Bluth attic.

Some aliens from Men
in Black II were begging for change. They accidentally ate the entire cast and crew for the show Sex and the City. The set for Godzilla, the one with Mathew Broderick, had been up for
auction. Bidding started at eleven
dollars. Rocksteady and Bebop, from Ninja Turtles II, were looking for work
too. It was not a good time to be job
hunting. The turtles themselves had
filed for bankruptcy. They were living
in Hellboy 2’s guest house.

“Come on guys,” said Hellboy 2, “I can get you a cameo. The audience would go crazy.”

Leonardo said it was beneath them to do cameos.

“We’ll just stick with what we’re doing,” he said. They did birthday parties to pay the bills
and support Michelangelo’s coke habit. Last
birthday party Michelango pissed in the family’s pool and then passed out into
it. The other three were planning an
intervention. Hellboy 2 couldn’t make
it. He was on set. Hellboy 1 said he would be there, but would
probably plan to have something come up. He’s already planned a cruise for that day with the money he got from
DVD sales. Instead, he planned to cater
the intervention with money he got from VHS sales.

Hellboy 2 forgot about the post it. George Michael’s grandfather kept calling and
screaming at him. TMZ.com put up a picture
of Hellboy 2 on their website next to a picture of Lindsay Lohan’s younger
sister getting out of a car. She wasn’t
wearing panties. Lindsay Lohan’s mom
took the picture.

Hellboy 2 ended up trying to return the iPod at K-Mart. He was unsuccessful. He threw the iPod off his bedroom wall. It broke. He felt bad. He put what was left
of it on eBay. Brendan Frasier won the
auction for $2000. “I’m so hot right
now,” he said to himself. He sent
Hellboy 2 a message, “Hey, what about getting me into your movie, a cameo at
the end or something. I want to be
2008’s version of the 2008 version of Robert Downey Jr. The
Mummy 3 is my Ironman. Journey
to the Center of the Earth is my Tropic
Thunder. Hellboy 2 will be my Hulk cameo. Thanks for the iPod.”

Hellboy 2 did not respond. He did not send the iPod. Brendan
Fraiser didn’t bother filing a claim against Hellboy 2 and still left a positive
customer rating.