A robot stood on the day after the apocalypse.

“I am not a robot,” it said.

The robot said hello to a refrigerator. The day before it said hello to a fire extinguisher, a lighter, a twirling cube thing, a bug, and lots of other junk. The refrigerator didn’t say anything. Nothing ever did. A bug kind of scurried, but it couldn’t really talk. The robot opened the refrigerator. Someone shouted, “Robots don’t eat.” A child cried. “We’re all robots,” I thought. The person behind me said, “I hope Indiana Jones isn’t inside.” Another person behind me said, “God, that movie was awful.” I reached in my pocket. I prayed for Etgar Keret’s wrench. Technically it wasn’t his wrench, but he knew people who had wrenches and hit people in the face with them. I wanted to be one of these people.

The robot said, “Excuse me refrigerator. I don’t mean to hurt you, but I would like to cut you open.” The robot didn’t really say this, but I think that’s what he implied when he beeped. The robot beeped and the refrigerator offered up the last plant in the known world.

Everyone groaned, “Not another environmental-save-the-planet movie.” A black man in the back said, “Fuck Al Gore.” Everyone laughed. I did not know for sure that it was a black man who said this. I hope you don’t think I’m racist. I do not know for sure if it was a black man who said this. I made a stereotype and I am not a good person because of it, but I don’t mean to offend anyone. My logic isn’t always right. I am not afraid to admit this. I am wrong a lot. I just thought that black people often yell things out during movies. They are usually funny. I wish I had seen The Happening with a theater full of black people. They would have said things like, “Don’t go into the forest you stupid white bitch.” Maybe they wouldn’t have said anything. Like I said, I am wrong most of the time. If someone had said this during The Happening while Mark Wahlberg was onscreen then I would have laughed. I think Mark Wahlberg would have laughed as well. He has a good sense of humor. His brother is named Donny. I bet he laughs at Donny a lot.