Fear and misery precede him.
He hath the fury of a thousand Sioux.
And none of the philosophical refinements.
Lo, mercy on he who should meet Senor Skullfire.
And witness the wrath of his flaming skull.

The above passage is taken from the Officer's Field Manual issued by the Confederate Army. Much mystique has surrounded the legend of Senor Skullfire, as historians typically scratch their proverbial heads over its meaning. There is no mention of who this character is, or what his coming portends for Confederate officers doomed to meet him. In fact, the above warning occupies a single page (57), and is given only the heading "If I May Share A Few Words About Senor Skullfire."

This is not the only mystery surrounding the Confederate Field Manual. Also of note (and similarly shrouded in mystery) is the list found on page 74. Given no heading or words of introduction, it simply reads:
- Puppies are baby dogs, kittens are baby cats.
- Righty-tighty, lefty-loosy.
- I before E, except after C.
- Red sky at night, sailor's delight. Red sky in morning, sailors take warning.
- John 3:16
- I never give a sucker an even break, and that's a lead-pipe cinch.

Even more maddening is the following paragraph, found on page 94.
The Confederate soldier is an unleavened biscuit. His needs are simple: water, grain, heat. Unlike the hated Federals, he has no need for yeast. The Confederate man rises to the occasion of liberty of his own accord. God damn it, I hate the fucking Northerners.

It is interesting to note that for the most part, the Confederate Field Manual is filled with useful information about commanding enlisted men, artillery, and table manners. However, some segments (foremost among them the above-quoted passages) are a mystery to historians.
However, recent scholarship may have revealed the meaning of Senor Skullfire. From a telegram between Field Kommandant Ervin Geltch and President Abraham Lincoln:
Mr. President -
Dude, you'll never believe what happened to me today. Remember that Cinco de Mayo party we crashed freshman year? Remember that stupid skull thing that was hanging on the wall that we kept looking at? I was so high, I thought it was like some crazy Aztec totem of death! Well, I never told you, but I stole it. Ha!
So anyway, it's been sitting in my foot locker for the past couple years, and the other day me and Captain Uhls decided to do some shrooms. I remembered how fucking trippy that skull thing was, so I took it out and showed it to him! We thought it was hilarious! And we were so fucked up, we thought it was talking to us! It told us to light it on fire and carry it into battle!
The next morning, we realized how fucked up we were, but we still thought the whole thing was hilarious. There wasn't a battle that day, but I sent one of the ensigns as an envoy to communicate with the Confederate general across the river. We had him put the mask on, and we set it on fire and had him run over there! It was so fucking funny! I wish you could have seen it!
Anyway, the whole enemy camp caught on fire. Like, 18,000 men died.
Hilarious!
Love,
E. Geltch