I was born exactly two years after Bill Fury, an actor whom
I've never heard of, died of heart failure at the age of 42. January 28, 1983—Bill Fury is watering
plants, or eating a sandwich, or making freshly squeezed orange juice or
lemonade. Something with citrus, surely. He takes a sip, chokes down a seed or
two, and smiles.

Hello, this is a review of a book talk with Mr. Tony D'souza. You may remember Tony from such places as here or here. Anyway, T. Doyle and I went to see him a few nights ago at the Harvard Bookstore. This is a conversation from the day after.

Mark: hey

what'd you think of last night?

Terrence: i thought it was cool to hear the guy
talk

mr. dsouza was a nice man

he was a little odd

i didn't like his tone

when he read'

i can't describe what it was

tho

Mark: He loves talking about his dick

well not his dick, but dicks in general

Terrence: yea

i was uncomfortable to a point

not b/c sex makes me uncomfortable, but b/c there were
young girls in the audience

Mark like he said though, after talking to all of
africa about how to put condoms on wooden dicks harvard bookstore is nothing

yeah, young girls couldn't have been too pleased

Terrence: ha, yea, i can see from where his candor
stems

Mark: I feel like he was the type of kid who might
have humped a lamp when the teachers weren't looking

Terrence: HA!

a deviant, of sorts?

Mark: yeah, you know the type I'm talking about

?

Terrence: i knew a few

like this one kid, we'll call him 'tony dsouza'

kidding

we'll call him 'fakey mcfakeson'

and i do not intend there to be a corellation drawn
between mr. dsouza and fakey mcfakeson

it's just a coincidence of chronology

anyways, fakey got caught crowning the bishop in a closet

Mark: haha

Terrence: he was the same kid who killed the class
hampster

(sp)

Mark: not a cool dude

or very cool

depending on your background

Terrence: enigmatic, if anything

HA

true

Mark: I think I'm going to post this as the review
for the book talk

Terrence: ha, word

(note...mr. dsouza you are cool)

there, that's my disclaimer

Mark: I got a small video segment of him talking

Terrence: nice, i saw you messing with a camera
for a second

i heard the beeping noise, rather

Mark: how about that one asian girl that took
about a hundred pictures

Terrence: my gaze was so steadily fixed on dsouza
that i hardly could have noticed anything in my peripherals

she was way into him

maybe she writes for the lampoon

and they're reviewing the konkans

on a serious note...i liked the way he described his
craft

the part about still trying to entertain

i find that a lot of books don't do that

they forget to entertain

i've never read his stuff, so he might think he's
entertaining when he's really not, but at least the intention is there

Mark: I had actually read an except of that tree
story he wrote for mcsweeneys

Terrence: really?

was it 'entertaining?'

that question mark should be outside the quotation mark,
sorry

Mark: I think it was exactly the same thing he
read

Would like to read the rest sometime

Terrence: i thought it was a pretty interesting
idea for a story

having fallen in love with an inanimate object, i feel as
though it might be a tough read

Mark: yeah? you gonna tell your story someday?

Terrence: maybe...it was a stuffed chinchilla
named barret, and it was the best summer i've ever had

have you ever experienced unconventional love?

had the capacity to love something that canno love you
back?

Mark: once my parents and i went looking for a
christmas tree in our back woods and found a tall tree with a very nice top so
my dad cut the tree down and the top turned out to be twisted and disgfigured.
So my dad basically killed a tree for no reason. I cried

Terrence: i'm sorry to hear that

Mark: yeah, a big downer to the convo

Terrence: that's okay

i watched your obla di on my head video

and gave it a heart laugh

hearty

Mark: hopefully I'll make the chris cooper touched
my roommates mouse pad video tonight

Terrence: ha...i anticipate its completion

i'm going to see be kind rewind tonight

i read the review

and laughed when someone said that it took dedication to
get to a certain point

i read it all, and feel no more or less prepared for the
film

Mark: that's really what reviews should be like i
feel

interesting enough to finish, but not swaying you either
way

Terrence: agreed

i hate reviews that have the "warning...may contain
spoilers" disclaimer

well, does it or does it not?

'may'

what's this word, 'may'?

Mark: haha

i never thought of that

yeah that's gay

Terrence: highly suspect

this review MAY ruin your good time

you don't go into a restaurant and see on the
menu...warning, this food MAY not be food and MAY actually kill you while you
sleep

tony dsouza doesn't say 'warning, you MAY be entertained'

Mark: haha

Terrence: imdb is a dickhead

were you a home run hitter, mark?

i'm curious...b/c if you were, you have an appropriate
surname

and if there is one thing you should know about me, it's
that i like things that are aptly named

Mark: yeah i hit my share of dingers

Terrence: did they call you Baumer the Bomber?

Mark: Do you sometimes put O in front of your last
name (Doyle) and think you rule?

Terrence: i don't, but others have been doing it
for me for sometime now

Mark: In high school people called me bombsquad
and in college they mostly called me bombs or baums? I never asked how they
spelled it

Terrence: oh...i bet the spelled it baums, but
meant bombs

Mark: Alright

i got get going

Terrence: oight

you, sir, take care

Mark: review up tomorrow

Terrence: word, son

Valentine’s
day: a day celebrated for the saint of love, the saint of sweet, sweet
sex. Sweet chocolate covered sex.

The Man in the Road

By Chris Killen

So it’s
aphorisms you crave, is it Mr. Geary? Well here’s an aphorism for
you: Geary tends to blab about nothing in particular, and absolute Geary
tends to blab about nothing in particular absolutely.

Ah,
the blogosphere! It is a mystical realm bustling with lore and
incontrovertible truths, where gnomes tread the same ground as the
dictatorial ogres that have forever subjugated them. Where trees of
wisdom sprout from the finest members of the Young Republicans, and
where you can rectify your sins with the click of a mouse [Eternal
Salvation just $1.95 a month!].

Barrack
Obama (D) and Mike Huckabee (R) topped the polls in Iowa. Hillary
Clinton (D) and John McCain (R) were first a week later in New
Hampshire. Former mayor of New York City Rudolph Giuliani (R) failed to
finish better than fourth in either contest, both of which play a vital
role in determining each party's eventual nomination for the presidency
(if for no other reason than they are the first caucus and primary,
respectively, and thus there exists a media feeding frenzy around
each), yet still holds on to a close second place behind Huckabee in
the national polls.

You
should be, in a word, embarrassed if you have not yet heard of any of
these bands: October Dave and the Silicon Werewolf Masks, The Peaking
Beaks, Shaq Attack, Soup Kitchen, Paternity Case: Mine or Yours?,

Holiday reporting by Terrance Doyle

A group of people with Parkinson's who are walking down the street together looks a little bit like a game of electric football.
-Terrance Doyle