I took a photograph of a fan. The fan is shaped like the ice cube I found in my mouth on my tenth birthday. Yesterday was my tenth birthday. Yeah showed up dressed like a bunny. His bunny costume was nothing but an old lobster bib that he wrote ‘bunny’ on with a magic marker. He was eating tortellini. Some of the tortellini fell into my cake. I cried. My parents took Yeah aside and told him quit the funny business. Yeah smiled and locked himself in the bathroom. An hour later we saw him run across the lawn holding the garden hose. He stopped running when the hose was no longer slack. He fell down and crushed my mother’s roses. When everyone went outside Yeah was gone. I heard a toilet flush in the house. Everyone went back inside. Yeah walked out of the bathroom. His knees were torn and dirty. He rubbed them in the cake for a few seconds and then paused. He looked at my parents and apologized. He said, “I forgot, no funny business.”

The ‘ribs’ business was closed. Clem Tincan ordered a pastrami sandwich in an ice cream shop. The ice cream clerk spooned the pastrami out of a metal bucket with an ice cream scoop. Teeth Blindstone ordered a hotdog. I got an ice cream sundae in a waffle cone. Yeah bought a pack of skittles and asked if they could change the television to the Disney channel. A couple played chess on their ipad. The night progressed. Yeah’s skittles were stale. An angry man followed him around and kicked a Chinese restaurant. A tired man yawned on my neck. I walked home. I looked in a hair salon, but no one was home. A man with stomach issues crawled into me. I regretted ordering rib-flavored ice cream. The cherry was small and deflated.

I noticed a lady carrying multiple baskets. She had on blond sideburns. I asked her where the toaster was. She told me there were no toasters. I tucked my ears below my bangs. We sort of curled our biceps. Yeah curled his quads multiple times. Seven bottles of ethereal were diluted and passed around the bink. We were sitting around in a yellow bink. I got discouraged because no one would explain what we were doing in a bink or what it was. One guy stood up, climbed on a dirtbike, drove 12 mph around the parking lot, feel on his head, the pieces were gathered, rushed to the hospital, the broken pieces of his dirtbike were accidentally stitched in between his ears.

A waiter said, “Everything is delicious.” The table cloth tasted of cleaning products and sand. I could not taste the previous meal. The menu was a menu. You could choose from a variety of options. A lobster dip was ordered. I thought of a live lobster being boiled in ranch dip. I was half interested. A man in a papa suit sitting across from me said, “Scallops are my favorite.” He chose the scallops. A man returned with a notepad. He gave me an ice-tea. I removed the straw and took a sip. Two orders of lobster rolls and a scallop basket were ordered. A woman in mom-skin was very happy. The appetizer arrived in a dish of artichoke, lobster, and melted cheese with a sprinkle of parmesan. The dip was lined with slices of garlic bread. I saw a dog. It was a full grown dog. He had to pee. A man holding a leash waited for him to pee. I wanted the dog because it had a pointed nose and looked like a wolf and did not take a long time to go pee and was happy and curious. The dip was quickly finished. A man played guitar and sang Willie Nelson songs. A small girl danced. The lobster rolls and scallop basket arrived. I was very pleased. Everyone ate their meal. We all drove home. A pie was put in the oven. 

Tonight it became late. Yeah called in sick. He got pneumonia and died. I spent the evening watching ‘my super ex-girlfriend’. Uma Thurman falls in love with a fat guy named Luke, but he loves Anna Faris and then Uma touches a rock and Anna Faris becomes a superhero and I got tired so I belted a stuffed animal named ‘lopsided’ to my head and took a picture and then went to bed. The next day I let a twinkle buzz inside my phone until I woke up and shut off my alarm. The downstairs kitchen ground my face until the jar of orange juice was empty. For breakfast I may drink lemonade and tea out of a cereal bowl. I will count the number of honey-nut cheerios I eat. It will be somewhere less than three-hundred. I’ll probably sit in an automobile for an hour. Then I’ll look at the ocean and eat some French fries and fall asleep on the automobile ride home. It will become late again. Maybe I’ll watch that movie about the guy who fed ham to his grandmother’s pet. 

I threw a log today. I did not expect to see it again. The log had been in a pile. Four campers sought a warm institution to fill their night thoughts. A forest was un-born. Yesterday, a woman put her hands into the ground innards of a numb bird and from these trimmings a loaf rose from the pan and the world finally had something to eat with their potatoes. In the morning I found the leftovers of three-foot wide forest. A family of campers the previous night had found the yard of the forest to be disappointing. A child wrote, “S’mores” on one of the trees and they were all chopped down and piled in the corner while papa tried to make a fire in another corner. A child asked his father if he would make the fire where the rug used to be. The papa was irritated and they left before the fire caught. The memory of a child’s handwriting on the branches washed out in the morning showers. I had my pick of the logs. I did not choose the biggest log. My glasses fell off once while I was lifting a log bigger than the log I threw. I set my glasses on a stone in the corner of the old swimming pool where the campsite had dug itself. While I was holding my log a team of afternoon showers filled the swimming pool with flavors of soot and pebbles l I prefer not to eat. I forgot about the glasses. Someone handed me scissors. I pretended to find them in a can atop the refrigerator in the area of the forest where I two slices of leftover meatloaf. I unwrapped plastic covering. I threw my log. It landed in a pool of gravel. I did not get wet.  Disappointment in my log ability hid in the chewing of a plate of something that wasn’t a log.

Five days ago I was hungry and mom’s leftover box was empty. I began eating baked salt and vinegar potatoes but then Yeah told me to eat nachos. I found some empty chips and filled them with cheese, sour cream, and salsa. I stuffed the sour cream in last, but there wasn’t enough salsa so I stuffed in more salsa. The day was not very beautiful so I gave it my face. I replaced my face with nachoface. Cheese leaked onto my cheeks. There were some Christmas lights still up in the den. I turned them on and left them alone for five days. Today I checked on the lights I left alone for five days. One of the bulbs had gave birth to a small bull. I winked at the bull and flushed it down a tube. Small bulls turn into large bulls. They are a nuisance. Yeah used to be a small bull.

Dad sometimes drinks the bean. He likes the bean. It makes him alert and excited. He drinks the bean every day. Yeah sometimes drinks the bean and then he has ass syndromes. The bean makes dad very talkative. He talks to the bean he has drank that is now inside him. The bean doesn’t listen. The bean goes, “iamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanieiamabeanie,” Dad tries to look at the bean he drank. The bean runs away. Dad gets tired. Yeah recovers. The bean evaporates and a small voice says, “More bean.” Dad looks at this small voice and eats a piece of cheese. Dad likes cheese. He cuts four pieces of cheese and then goes to the physical therapy. Yeah eats three pieces of cheese while Dad lets a therapist talk to his knee. The cheese tastes good. Yeah eats another piece. He is so scared. There is no more cheese. Dad comes home and is sad the cheese is gone. Yeah tells Dad that the bean ate it. The bean laughs. Dad laughs and drinks more bean.

I watched a cross-eyed poet write a poem today. They were very skilled. Their face looked like the guy from some of those popular sci-fi movies. Their hands were made out of David Duchovny plastic action figures. The poem was about office furniture. I was bored so I fell asleep. The cross-eyed poet bought a stool and then went to the hospital to get an operation. Their eyes fell out. I woke up. People were applauding. The poet had stacked his poems on top of a manila folder. The David Duchovny plastic action figure hands clapped for themselves. The cross-eyed poet picked up the manila folder and ran to Vietnam to eat some pho and do some international bachelor lounging. He said, “My next chapbook will be called ‘continental mercury insect bug virus’.

The rug on the floor of the dining room is my mother’s. She bought it at a place that sells rugs. There is a stain on one of the rugs. I dropped a peanut butter popsicle on it when I was three. Yeah doesn’t believe in the existence of peanut butter popsicles. He doesn’t understand that everything exists. The last time I was holding a peanut butter popsicle he was typing a movie review for a movie he hadn’t watched. He was using a non-electronic machine. The ribbon kept jamming. I showed him what I was eating. He was disappointed. He said, “You’re just licking a knife you stuck in a jar of peanut butter.” I was embarrassed that he said this about me. I crawled under a rug, my mother’s rug. I stained it again. The house began to crumble. I rubbed some graham crackers on my wounds. I tasted the wounds. I was disappointed I didn’t use the graham crackers for something else. In a closet in a part of the house that wasn’t crumbling there was a whole basket of bandages. I wasted such useful graham crackers. There was a hint of honey. My wounds tasted it.

There was a picnic. Thirteen southern boys from a little league program inside a southwestern united states swamp of various temperatures were invited and prodded into competing in the picnic. I told them to bring their own beverages. They drank all their liquids on the bus ride to the recreation park. Yeah felt bad for them and went to a Circle K convenient store and bought them one non-refillable bottle of yahoo. Six of the boys took sips off the bottle before it was empty. There was a service at a local church choir practice for the thirst of the other seven boys. A basket was passed around and people dropped in their pennies. One large boy with a soft voice dropped in a nickel. The reckless children only dropped in ass pennies. We had to count the donations wearing latex gloves. There was a considerable amount of silence the second time Yeah counted the funds. The final total was $1.12 which was enough for another bottle of yahoo. The seven thirsties asked if Yeah would buy them Gatorade. He said, “Gatorade is $1.50.” Nachoface ran over to the picnic from left field and said he would donate 0.38 cents, but everyone in town knew he didn’t have any money and only wanted to kick smallsies in the bellies. Some town folk showed the seven thirsties how to protect their bellies from Nachoface. He ran back to left field and pissed on the leftfielder’s shoe until he uncovered his belly and then Nachoface kicked him in his uncovered areas. Yeah didn’t bother to watch. He went to the convenience store and bought another yahoo. Nachoface ran home and ate his roommate's nachos off his own face. 

We weren’t allowed to shave so Yeah wore a suit and instead of a tie he wore a stuffed animal around his neck. They let us wash in the hose region, but they usually asked us when we finished why we were in the hose region. Yeah tried to drink from a hose region. They told him he could only drink from the Hi-C tank. We were all sick of fake orange juicy. I began to spend all my time in the hose region. I believe they called me the small giant. They blamed me for all the dead Indians. I had to move to a non-native hose region. I grew and shrunk. My smallness increase within a giant-ness. 

The wooden table at the nutritionally, environmentally, and energetically balanced café was stained brown. I ate an olive. If you put taco shells in the toaster you will burn them. Someone smells like cigarettes. Let’s release lettuce fumes into our ceiling fans. Could you tell the new boss that he needs to get his legs examined. Yeah measured the legs of all the stools in the apartment and none of them are the same length. Could you pause the video of that speech I was reading? I would like to save a taco shell for papa. We can put it in his hamstring. Let’s toast his loafers. I would like to see papa run without loafers. Eat the loafers in a burnt taco shell.

Yeah went back to high school and killed the quarterback on the basketball team and then took some Advil but everyone thought he had taken Motrin and they called him weak brains because they wanted him to do crack babies in a pill form. Yeah had trouble with algebra. I sat in the back of the class touching a wood stain. Pinch the arms of a soft chair. The chemistry department didn’t have any soft chairs. I rubbed into a few of the blue plastic before I realized all the blue plastic was identical. Yeah forgot how to speak English. I told him to shoot the first basemen. He found some archery equipment in the gym closet. We went to the state championship, but the first basemen was sick and a ball rolled between the shortstop’s legs. Yeah shot his arrows at mascots dressed as maple trees. The sap ran thick.

I woke up in sweat at noon. Yeah left some eggs on the counter. I looked at them for an hour before I emptied the shells and moved into the living room. Yeah called and told me not to eat the tuna. I waited an hour. There was one glass of orange juice left. I drank it. Yeah left a note on the table. I read it. I ate the tuna in the fridge. Yeah came home. He looked in the fridge. He asked why I ate the tuna. I picked up his note on the table. I reread it. It said, "Don't eat the tuna." There was a water mark on the corner. I had misread the note. It snowed on Saturday. Yeah sold some of his teeth for medical purposes. He sold two of his teeth for $7 each. Part of the reason he did not sell them for more money was because his girlfriend was in dental school and needed practice. It didn't cost Yeah anything. He was still upset about the tuna. I went back to sleep in the noon sweat.

A truck pulled in front of our leftover vegetables. We spent the afternoon lounging in the neighborhood septic smells. One acorn fell. We did not collect it. I waited for some allergy sinus control. The sunflowers are taller than humans.  I want to shake crumbs from my nasals. Yeah points at a scooter. Two weeks ago Yeah fell off the scooter and then was afraid his parents would find out but Yeah doesn’t have parents and only has to worry that his small baby pig doesn’t learn that he fell down and cut his leg because the small baby pig would be embarrassed and then know that Yeah plans to eat him some day. Yeah felt bad for his small pig. It has eaten all the leftovers. Yeah puts him on a life raft. We fly to Ohio to sell our sunflowers. 

The bank is closed. It is raining. When the rain stops the bank will open again. The rain stops. The bank is still closed. I watched a couple of gay men use the atm. One of them held an umbrella. I knew they were gay because Yeah asked if they were gay and they said they were. I waited for the news to play on a radio. For the last hour they've had window commercials. Yeah watched the gay men get money. They took out over $500 from their atm. Yeah asked if they were going to buy organic food. The gay men said, "We will probably buy organic food at some point."

I sat alone in a movie theater. I ate a turkey and bacon sandwich. The movie screen made voices and got excited about the sneak peeks. I watched the sneak peeks. The sneak peeks did not make my nipples flow. If I was the president of sneak peeks I would be disappointed that nipples weren’t flowing during viewing locations. I drank some blueberry root beer. I finished the sandwich. Wax paper loosened from the grain wheat spread with white mayo and the daylight faded into a 6:50pm viewing of the future sounds of a moose with nostrils in the backyard of the townhouse where I grew up. Stuff the waste in a brown paper bag and drop candy on the tiles. Open bags occur full of peanut butter m&m's, but there are no pretzels. I wanted to buy the new pretzel, but the store next to the movie theater didn't sell the new pretzels. Yeah was two fat girls. Yeah filled my loneliness with the weight and smells of two shy large girls.

I waited near the bus stop and watched a guy read a book about adverbs. I asked the man if he was a scholar or if he was irritated by poor grammar or if he was doing research for a historical abstract on the form of adverbs. He did not respond. I said, “Pleasure?” A very large woman operated a motorized wheelchair. I watched her for three to five seconds. A small dog sat on the bottom of her wheelchair. I did not noticed the dog until after I stopped looking at the large woman. The dog burrowed a hole into the woman’s machine and lived in the space under her asshole. A bus driver waiting for a bus seemed concerned. He didn’t have a bus yet. Maybe his bus wouldn’t come. I asked the man reading the book if adverbs were a bad decision. He said he rarely thought of adverbs as a decision. The guy reading about adverbs turned the page. I wanted to ask him more questions but I couldn’t think of any that seemed relevant. A bus approached but it wasn’t a bus anyone wanted. A dozen people got off the bus. No one got on the bus. Yeah walked up to me and asked if that had been our bus. He was holding a burrito. He bought it around the corner. He said it tasted like walnuts.

The history of cheese by the autobiography of cheese fell asleep next to a pool. Yeah ran around naked. I yelled, “The great pumpkin.” Yeah did a flip into the pool. The history of cheese by the autobiography of cheese ran away because she was scared of the police. Yeah raced from one side of the pool to the other. The police did not show up. Yeah jumped off the lifeguard stand. He yelled, “The great pumpkin.” The history of cheese by the autobiography of cheese found a mattress on the side of the road and fell asleep. Yeah decided not to wear any cabot monterey jack. The history of cheese by the autobiography of cheese scribbled thoughts on the inside of her head of Yeah wearing cabot monterey jack and a block of mold materialized in her hand. The history of cheese by the autobiography of cheese nibbled her hand and licked the mattress. 

A large group of people sat around rib bones and stale chips. I smelled. Do you remember when it was six o’clock and I ran from one place to another place and then I went down some stairs, but they were the wrong stairs so I climbed back up and then I found some other stairs. Do you remember those stairs? They sweat on my insides and I leaked it out on a seat that wasn’t mine. I was leaking all over a seat near some other seats. The other seats were aged businessmen. I believe they were disappointed in the smell I would eventually establish. Four hours passed. The rib bones and stale chips were an appealing taste. I put some on a plate and found dirty fingers on my hands. A gentle and half-naked man said, “Yeah, if I start filling my liver at six I will probably not recover until my mid-thirties.”   

I sat on a bench and looked at two bags. The two bags were not of equal size. One of the bags was larger than the other bag. One of the bags was five or six times larger than the bag that was not six or seven times larger than itself. I waited for the smaller of the two bags to grow. It did not grow. I was glad the smaller bag did not grow. If I lose a bag I would prefer to lose the bag that is fifteen or sixteen times larger than the faint growth on my face. The shape of the bag I would prefer to lose was the shape of a human inside a large bag. I asked my bag if it was still okay. It nodded and said, “Yeah.”   

I stepped out of a black automobile. My bags were in the trunk. The trunk was connected to the black automobile. I opened the trunk. I shouldered a bag and put one foot on the curb. The black automobile probably drove home and cried. There were some slight airplane noises. I could not smell airplanes. I bought a space for my luggage inside an airplane. A woman told my friend not to put my plane ticket in their mouth. I took the plane ticket from my friend’s mouth. I looked at the curb near the airport. The black automobile had not left. I told my friend they had to go home and cry. They said, “Yeah,” and drove the black automobile to their home.  Three airport officials inspected my empty water bottle. I took off my shoes. There was a line at the coffee shop so I went to a different coffee shop. The terminal was full of people who did not understand the importance of their ability to buy a plane ticket and wait and think of whatever they wanted. Everyone was bored.  

There was a stove. I put my beliefs in the stove. There was a tendency to let our heads be our only nourishment. It was the years of doubt and sourdough. Please poke a hole in my sourdough and fill it with yolk. Do you remember when you folded your newspaper slightly and coughed? You were on a train. Your stoic behavior made me a believer in the sound of sizzle and egg whites. I’ll never understand brown ovals. Please bleach my ovals and then crack them on a non-stick formula. If you are sitting alone in a chair, wait. Someone will bring you breakfast. If you have no friends talk to yourself while you pretend to be your own best friend. Make yourself breakfast. Ignore your own voice. Answer, “Yeah,” vaguely when you ask yourself a question. If you fall asleep in your own kitchen the linoleum will comfort you then you will have a friend. Be nice to your friend.

The side of the building was filled with a painting of my friend face. I went inside my friend’s face to look for ice cream. I did not enjoy the flavor options. A dove bar was decaying under the tears of the sore feet of a cashier on a fifteen minute break. Yeah approached the cashier and asked him to lift his foot. The cashier would not lift his foot. Yeah tried to pry the wooden stick from the decay. The cashier slapped the back of Yeah’s head. I suggested we leave my friend’s face. I drank no ice cream for a thousand years.

The apartment complex where I was resting the wounds of a spiritual foolishness had a grapefruit tree. I noticed the backs of the non-grapefruit trees were diseased. The ground was filled with leaking pipes. One of the other tenants asked their neighbor, “Does your shower pressure suffer if you flush your toilet the same day you use your kitchen sink?” A John, a Johnathan of sorts, a boy named Johnny, a man pretending to be John began speaking in my phone. Someone named John spoke for three minutes. When I hung up Yeah asked who called. I lied and said, “Seth asked about the soil full of leakiness.” Yeah asked who Seth was. I shrugged and said, “My friend John gave Seth my number.”

The sun woke up early and began touching my alarm clock until it buzzed and I put the buzzing in my mouth and waited for it to remind me of the taste of the bacon glazed donuts I would eat later that morning. The sun brushed Yeah’s eyebrows and waited for him to close the blinds and use the bathroom and say, “This decision to be awake reminds me of my decision to walk downtown last week and eat a morning sugar wheel.” A black lady brought us two small plates filled with warm dough and crisp. Yeah enjoyed her moderate ability to refill our water glasses at a slightly less than satisfactory rate. Three days passed. I thought of the warm dough and oink crisp for three minutes each day. At the end of the third day I regretted the decision not to order milk. I’ve never drank milk while eating bacon. I feel a small tear in the fabric of my happiness. 

I woke up to the sound of someone saying, “What’s that noise?” I climbed over some lumps and walked into the other room. I turned off the alarm on my phone. I sat down. I stood up. I walked into another room. There was a box. I emptied half of what was in the box into something that wasn’t a box. Once, on a Tuesday there was a press conference for a famous athlete. The athlete said, “Put more food inside my stomach.” I think he meant, “Give me more money.” A week later the famous athlete’s agent said, “The sauce has been given enough time and tastes delicious.” The famous athlete patted his stomach and laughed. He put his arm around his agent’s shoulder. The agent looked at the hand touching his shoulder and then at the cameras and reporters. The agent laughed. I put milk in a bowl. I ate the bowl and said, ‘Put more food in my stomach.’ I filled the bowl again. The box was empty. I touched a bum’s stomach for $5 my sophomore year of college. I gave the bum three dollars. He smiled and touched my shoulder. I looked at the cabinets and smiled when I finished pouring the milk. Before the bum left my friend Yeah bet him the $3 he couldn’t drink a half gallon of milk in one minute. The bum touched his own stomach. Yeah went to a convenience store and bought a half gallon of whole milk. I looked at my watch. The bum drank a third of the milk and then threw up. He looked at the white on the cement and then at Yeah who was holding out his hand. The bum slapped the hand and ran away. I sat down. I ate the bowl. I put the empty bowl in the microwave. The sink was full.

If you wake up at eight fill a pot with grape jelly and barbeque sauce. Open the freezer. Remove four bags of frozen meat. Put the meat in the pot. A noise will pause outside your door. Dismiss the pause. It will continue where it was originally going. When the afternoon arrives a noise will be heard outside your door again. You will recognize it. The noise will be the sound of a man spraying the walkway with a hose. Yeah will be outside pretending to be scared of water. He will get his feet wet on purpose. He will scream like a little booboo and then laugh like a donkey. Yeah always ruins his shoes whenever the man comes to clean the walkway. You should probably not let Yeah spend more than ten minutes playing in the noise you recognize outside your door. Call him inside when the pot has cooked for two hours. Sit him down in front of the television. Put on a movie he has seen before. Give him a bowl of meat. The meat will no longer be frozen. Yeah will say, “I taste the jelly.” He will be extremely happy.

I sat in a car. The car moved. The ground opened up. The ground had holes. The holes were coated with cement. The car paused at a gate. The gate opened. We were given a ticket. We had one hour. There was space near the elevators. We rode the elevators to the second floor. I remembered a button on one of my coats was fraying. I don’t own a coat. I gave all my coats to the young boy in the cardboard box. His name was Yeah. The cardboard box was made out of mice. None of the mice had faces. They had tails growing out of their heads. Their butts were smiling. When the first snow fell the buttons were missing. The cardboard box had eaten them. The snow froze the smiling butts. We left the elevator. I found deodorant. I put it in my pocket. I found a freezer. I opened the door of the freezer and put ice cream in my pocket. Two hours later a woman told me I smelled nice. I laid on her bed. I fell asleep. The bed was very low to the ground. The ground was wooden. Twenty minutes earlier I ate a jar of ice cream. The woman suggested we start a company that sells ice cream in glass jars. I was confident our business would fail. I thought of glass milk containers. I waited for the dungeon music to start playing. I did not know what dungeon music sounded like. I asked the boy in the cardboard box to sing dungeon music. The mice all began moaning. It was cold. I had given all my jackets away. I asked Yeah if I could borrow one of his coats. He told me I would not be able to use his coat. He told me to pee on myself to stay warm. I began peeing on myself. Most of the mice had butts. All the butts were smiling. I looked at these smiles while I peed. I felt good for three or four seconds. I stopped peeing even though I still had to pee. I was laying on my side. I began rolling around. The snow was sticky. I wondered if I forgot to eat the ice creams. I worried the ice creams were still in my pocket. I began peeing again. I peed on the ice creams in my pocket. I continued to roll around. The butts were fading but smiling more than ever.