434

There was a point yesterday when everyone was looking at me thinking, “His face is going to fall off,” but it didn’t. We waited for someone to come fix the ceiling. Everyday Yeah looked at his hands and thought, “I deserve a sick day.” He took the sick day and when I came home all the pots were dirty. Someone had attempted to fix the ceiling. Now there were pieces of ceiling on the floor and in the dirty pots. I called the company responsible and they held up their hands and said, “I don’t know how misplaced your ceiling. Try your secretary.”

433

The recipe called for oranges and sardine butter. I looked in the refrigerator for a long time and it didn’t appear. Everyday Yeah said the supermarket was closed. “Look behind the leftover olives,” he said. I had eaten the leftover olives a few days earlier. There was only a half eaten head of lettuce. Someone at the bus stop had given it to me. I didn’t know what else to do with it. It frightened me. I hadn’t touched it. Everyday Yeah picked at it. I think he added a bit to a salad he had eaten the day before. I wasn’t sure. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to eat the recipe without oranges and sardine butter. It would not taste good. You can’t eat orange sardine butter cake without oranges and sardine. I thought of other possibilities. I thought, “Maybe the supermarket isn’t closed.” Everyday Yeah said, “Don’t think.” I asked why. He said I was stupid. I went to the supermarket anyway. I stood in line behind a guy six items. There was a person in front of him with eight things in their basket. In front of them was a baby. The baby had no money. The baby’s mother was buying a dozen items. When the cashier scanned my oranges and sardine butter he made a face. I did not give him a tip. He did not ask if I was making orange sardine butter cake. He said, “Have a good night,” and made another face. I think his thoughts tasted like sardines. I ran home. I ran slowly. My legs did not want to eat orange sardine cake. They moved like the cashier’s face. When I got home Everyday Yeah had eaten the rest of the lettuce.

432

I had trouble leaking out of bed. I’m not sure if the day was supposed to begin so late. It worried me some, but I tried not to think about it. At some point I rolled over into a half of grapefruit. It was a bit of a surprise, but I ate it without much thought. Later, I would buy more at the supermarket. I would think of buying some limes, but Everyday Yeah would tell me they were overpriced. Instead, he would say, “Buy frozen vegetables.” They would be on sale. I would buy eight bags.

431

There was a dinner party. A salad was made. Everyday Yeah said, “I think I will only eat desert.” He sat in the backseat holding the salad. I heard the tinfoil cover for the salad crinkle on the way to the dinner party. Later, when everyone was seated at the dinner table the salad would only seem half as full as it was supposed to be. Everyday Yeah said the lettuce had wilted. Someone said, “I think the man in the backyard stole the lettuce,” and then turned the lights off. Naked bodies began running around the living room with shaving cream on their faces. The dinner guests all crouched behind the couches. I pretended to be a lamp and stood in the corner. Everyday Yeah stayed at the table. I heard more tinfoil crinkling. I believe someone called the cops because a dozen showed up and began looking around the backyard with flashlights.

430

I think I sat around all day and nothing was really accomplished. A few old men looked at me funny. Robots were waving signs. The robots had skin and dilated pupils and their mouths were set on celebratory chant and cars honked, but the bombing continued. I didn’t stay. Before I left a car pulled up to the corner, rolled down the window and I said, “Hey, I think you were at a birthday party I went to a few weeks ago.” By the end of the night I was sitting around a table with seven other people and we ate chips and salsa in the center of the table, but someone didn’t like the DJ so we stood up to go. Everyday Yeah put chips in his pocket. I crossed the street on a horse with my arms spread and eyes closed waiting for someone to shoot me, but no one did. They stopped their cars and honked and maybe they waved flags and put dove stickers on their bumpers.

429

Maybe one-hundred of us sat around in the living room. Everyday Yeah said, “I remember there only being five of us.” I think there was a little dog. He knows the answer, but he bit me and I kicked him against the wall and he crawled behind the couch and has not come out yet. We only have six and a half chairs. I don’t remember anyone complaining. I sat on the half chair. It threatened to fall over. It left me uneasy. I could not focus on anything anyone was saying. Someone began moving game pieces. No one said anything and watched. I used the opportunity to grab some empty tissue boxes to prop up the half chair. Everyday Yeah said, “Those won’t hold.” I sat down gently, but he was right. I still felt uneasy.

428

Two points in my head were created as a part of one another, but neither liked talking to the other and would often play by itself. Sometimes I like this balcony in the lobby of my head more than the last 43 minutes of the recent released poorly developed comedy playing in theater seven of my brain. For days I’ll do nothing but sit in the balcony and play a game on a cell phone involving bricks and a ball, but after a while it gives me a headache and I’ll decide to sneak into theater seven for the last bit of the movie. Usually I’ll laugh more than I thought I would, but it still makes me cringe a little when they wheel out the dying comedian for each scene. Everyday Yeah said he likes it when the lines to the bathroom form and extend across my face and the people standing in line become awkward as they try and figure out when the next free toilet will be available and who they’ll have to go to the bathroom next to.

427

People blamed me for the sickness. I’m not sure why. I was sick like everyone else. We all held our noses and typed with one hand. Everyday Yeah held his nose with both hands so he wouldn’t have to type at all. No one noticed. Instead, they pointed at me and yawned. Their yawns were filled with claims of guilt and admissions of fever. Some called their sickness a product of dry air and paper cuts. I liked to think someone was putting the old food left on the bottom shelves of the refrigerator into the air vents. At some point the boss called and said, “I’m sick too,” or “I’m not getting out of bed,” or “I’m going to let the village burn without me.”

426

Everyday Yeah said, “I feel disconnected.” He said, “I think we’re growing apart.” I didn’t say anything. I thought, “It’s just the end of the year.” There was a scared deer in both of us. The kitchen became unusable. We didn’t have anywhere to run. If I was a scared deer I would lie on my side and not do anything. Then when someone got close I would run away.

425

I checked on the laundry. It was still damp. Everyday Yeah had unplugged the machine and tried putting it on his head. It no longer accepted quarters. I wasn’t surprised. Everyday Yeah tried to make it better by restacking my bureau shelves, but he broke the drawer’s hinges. I gave up and said, “Make a hat out of it if you want.” He climbed inside instead and asked if I could put on the funeral music. I didn’t know what the ‘funeral music’ was so I put on Jackson 5. He didn’t like it so I added French subtitles and he seemed to enjoy it more and fell asleep. I made him a pillow out of my damp laundry.

424

The break room was full of leftover internet cookies. A man with fake central and lateral incisors filled his pockets and became confused about his computer’s password. Everyday Yeah switched it when he left to fill his pockets. The new password was ‘diamond mice’. It was probably 4am in Vietnam. 3% of the country uses ‘diamond mice’ as their password. Their computers bake cookies and send them to American office buildings to insert viruses on the server. Everyday Yeah changed the password because he wanted to insure security. The man didn’t mind. He sat back and ate his pockets’ gifts.

423

We went to the same restaurant. They remembered our faces. Our jackets had changed slightly, but it hardly mattered because they stuck us at the same table. It seemed impossible they could give us the same dinnerware, but I didn’t remember them throwing out the plastic forks we used the last time. In the back of my head I thought, “It doesn’t matter what I order. They’re going to give me the same thing.” I ordered ‘Captain Crunch’ just to see their reaction. They didn’t hesitate, but when the meal arrived I suspected they had given me the generic brand. I let Everyday Yeah drink the leftover milk in the bottom of the bowl.

422

There was an old man in a red sweater standing under an apple tree. He had three feet of charisma. Bubble gum was in his pocket to keep the little children busy. His eyes had a PhD in attentive listening. I tried not to bother, because I didn’t want to interrupt an important conversation, but Everyday Yeah ran over and pulled at the man’s arm until he gave out some bubblegum. I was a little jealous and called Everyday Yeah an infant. He only laughed and popped his gum.

421

I think I threw a lemon and it hit someone in the face and they fell down and knocked over the table and all the cookies in the oven burned. Everyday Yeah had just arrived with a bottle of wine and gift bags. He saw the aftermath. He slowly closed the door behind him. We all shouted and ran after him, but the elevator door was closing and he wasn’t making any effort of stopping it.

420

A heat box was plugged into the wall and we all fell asleep. No one turned it off. Boxes were delivered by the postal man. I didn’t hear him knock. He crept down the stairs. I found them when I went to take out the trash. Someone was sleeping in the dumpster. I told him the toilet was empty. He didn’t understand, but still laughed. I said, “Someone is in the bathroom,” even though there wasn’t anyone in the bathroom. This made him laugh harder. He gave me a loaf of fruit bread and said, “Happy Holidays.” When I went back Everyday Yeah had opened all the boxes. The candy was gone. All that was left were gold toed socks. We were served lamb stew. Someone at the table said, “This is soupy.” We could hear the man in the dumpster laughing at the bottom of the trash shoot. I remembered the fruit bread in my pocket, but when I reached for it all that was left were crumbs. I looked at Everyday Yeah. He laughed. Bread fell out of his mouth.

419

Eleven people arrived at the table. There were eight or ten chairs. Everyday Yeah said, “There are not enough chairs.” Someone mentioned something about there being a room full of chairs somewhere else. He left to find the room. Everyone sat down. There were enough chairs. The room grew. More chairs were brought in. Everyone had a seat. They did not like the napkins on the table so they slowly nudged them off the table. Dinner was served. It did not agree with me. My ears stopped working. I looked around and saw people’s mouths moving. Someone tapped me on the shoulder and pointed out the door. I shook my head and left. I’m not sure if they meant there was a room full of ears somewhere else. I found Everyday Yeah in the lobby eating mints.

418

The car did not work immediately. It should have had more things in the engine. I don’t know. I didn’t know what shelf to use. I should have known. I wish I had known. I did not know. Someone would call. We would go over to their house and they would point. Nothing would change. I called Everyday Yeah and told him about the holiday party. He said, “I have to work. I don’t have a car. Don’t put things in the engine. I’m pretty sure that doesn’t help. I’ve been using the bottom shelf and building my way up, but I guess it doesn’t matter at this point. No one will call. No one will point. They’ll whisper. I don’t know much about change. I guess some people’s hair will grow and then they’ll either get it cut or die.”

417

A lot of people stood in the same place. They were waiting. There was nothing for them. They didn’t know what they were supposed to do. Someone told them to spend all their money so they did. Now they only had bags of junk. I thought maybe they should stop at some point and walk in reverse the same way they had come. I didn’t want to be there with shopping bags in my arms and nothing else to do. I wanted to be a hero. I wanted to be a super human. I wanted people to look at me and think, “Is he famous?” I wanted Everyday Yeah to roll on the ground and pretend to be cute so people would stop and ask what breed he was and then they would pat his forehead and we would both feel loved again. That’s all I wanted. I did not want more shopping bags. I did not want to have no money left.

416

Somebody’s face didn’t wake up. I wanted to unscrew the face, but didn’t know where to start. Instead, I unplugged a light bulb and began to lightly tap it on the forehead. My second grade lunch inspector used to say, “Even if you don’t get out of bed you better have some breakfast.” I don’t think the lamp worked anymore. We had unplugged it the night before so we could watch TV, but the TV didn’t work so we folded it up and stuck it under the bed. There were still four boxes in our room. The one labeled, “Animated homeless dance instructor,” was the box the broken TV came in. I didn’t plug back in the lamp. I’m afraid there are too many dreams out there. I didn’t want to create a new one. People called. The internet worked somewhat. I called people. I didn’t have much else to tell them. My mouth was tired. I called someone named “Lead Pipe.” They said, “It’s so good to hear from you grandchild.” There was another person in the room. It took a long time for the mail to be delivered. I waited. People waited on me. I went to the store. There was nothing left at the store. The store was empty. I thought this was unfortunate. No one would ever enjoy life if there was nothing left in the store. There were little dishes of squid. We ate them. Everyday Yeah ordered another one and a dish of fried cheese. The TV worked. We did not own it. More food was eaten. Squids reconciled their situation and shrugged their shoulders.

415

Someone is probably going to find pants they forgot they owned. There were a lot of weird questions growing up in the middle a voicemail I found inside my phone late last night. I hope none of the people whose names I wrote on a list of people I’ve forgotten I know come over and expect cake. There were two boxes waiting for me either when I came home or when I woke up. Regardless, Everyday Yeah had already opened them and taken all the good stuff. He left a paper crown and a note that said, “Wear this.” I am wearing a paper crown. I hope someone knocks on my door and shouts, “Stop wearing the paper crown.” I don’t know if I would do that. Half the milk was gone three days ago. Now it is full. Everyday Yeah came over and replaced the emptiness with more milk. I think the skim replaced the empty parts of the whole milk. On the top of houses there are wires. On the top of wires there are mice. Someone is going to see a movie about mice today. I told them, “Nah, we have ants in our tub. I’ll watch them.” Everyday Yeah made hot dogs last night. He put potato chips on them. I was surprised his fingers didn’t start shaking and he dropped the hot dog. A post-it note was on the milk, but it fell off and is behind the lettuce. I don’t want to reach into the back of the fridge and read what it has to stay. It’ll probably list my age and tell me to be happy.

414

The rain drops began to stack themselves. They climbed on one another and fell down. Some parts of me stood at intersections waiting for the crossing signal to blink. Other parts of me counted cars. The rest of me said, “Where’s my raincoat?” A few hundred years passed. I’m pretty sure Everyday Yeah gave my raincoat away to Salvation Army. Small insignificant buildings laughed when they heard this. I ignored them and walked to a tall building in the rain. The tall building had windows. I walked to the eighth floor and looked out the window. My shoes were wet. I wrapped them in newspapers. When I left the tall building in the rain the man at the lobby desk asked why I had haddock on my feet wrapped in old newspapers. Three people came down the elevator with me. They all noticed my wrapped feet. When the elevator ended and they saw it was raining they decided not to leave. I told them the rain was gentle, but they did not trust me.

413

Everyday Yeah was on the corner hiding in a box. He wrote, ‘pirate ship’ on the side of the box. He said, “I once was standing on a corner and on Tuesday came to the decision that Tuesday would be the day I decide my future in regards to this corner.” A turning car did not understand. The ‘pirate ship’ fell into traffic. Everyday Yeah screamed. The turning car asked if he was a Viking. Everyday Yeah said, “This car was looking for trouble.” He said, “You were hiding in the bushes because you got scared when the turning car grew out of itself and repositioned the chair you sit in at work.” I did not like my chair being moved. The turning car made jokes about how uncomfortable it must be to sit in this chair every day. The ‘pirate ship’ was on its side and did not understand the joke. The turning car was now standing next to the box rubbing its side. The turning car was telling bushes, “I’m friends with the woman you sit next to at work and she is in the process of multiplying herself.” My job security felt in danger. I wanted to make a box that said, “sinking ship” on the side, but I didn’t want to fall into traffic. I thought of tire swings and maybe making my box in the form of one of these on the corner next Tuesday. I think this would help my job security. The next day at work I asked the woman I sit next to where the rest of her was and she didn’t understand.

412

The cold bed remembered going to high school with the woodstove. They went on one date. The cold bed regrets not answering when the woodstove began calling after that. The cold bed said, “Here, you take it.” I answered and it was my father. He said, “Your friend has hurt my woodstove’s feelings.” I played dumb. Everyday Yeah said, “It wasn’t me.” The cold bed rolled over and fell off itself. It broke the nightstand. I hung up the phone. I didn’t pick up when it began ringing again.

411

I think a lot of people were surprised that I was inside the rock. The rock seemed to be much too small for me to fit inside of. I saw a weird girl on the sidewalk and stopped my bike and said, “You’re even weird to me.” I think this made us both feel good. She took it as a compliment. Later, Everyday Yeah said, “I once had sex with that weird girl.” I could tell he was lying. For the last hour he had been saying he had once had sex with everything he thought of. He said, “I once had sex with the construction paper that you used to make the rock you hid inside of.”

410

These small children were walking around grabbing my legs and asking why they were so big. They said, “I bet you can’t run very fast.” I said, “Let’s play hide and seek.” They kicked me in the shins and ran away. Everyday Yeah said, “Can I hide too?” I thought of Easter when all the grownups wore bunny ears and the kids went to hide and the adults forgot they were hiding and one kid hid in the furnace and burned up and the adults felt silly when the police showed up and they were all wearing bunny ears.

409

I did not want to get out of the shower because my head enjoyed the warm water and thought of nice ideas. Someone had invited me to a birthday party, but I would have to get out of the shower and I did not like the thought of getting out of the shower and my head losing all its ideas. Everyday Yeah was knocking on the door. He said, “The birthday party is starting. We have to go. They only have one cake.” I turned off the water and wondered whose birthday it was. I tried to remember if it was my birthday or not. My head wasn’t quite sure.

408

I got very tired of sitting in the same chair. My legs didn’t enjoy sitting. They wanted to go to the circus. No circuses existed in town. I thought maybe I would see one in a month. My legs did not want to wait a month. I fed them pasta and they spit it out on the carpet. Everyday Yeah had just vacuumed. I tried to kick my own legs, but it didn’t work and I knocked the chair over and I fell into the mess of pasta on the carpet.

407

I was sitting in a place that I thought of as ‘my place’. No one sat there like I sat there. An extended car drove by. Inside were eleven people. They took pictures of themselves to prove they were in an extended car. Then they got tired of taking pictures and smiling so they did cocaine. I decided I didn’t want this place to be my place. I told them I did not want them to give me a ride home. They ignored my calls. Someone I didn't know called instead. I said, “I know who this is.” They hung up. They called back a few seconds later. I told them to call Everyday Yeah and gave them a fake number.

406

The radio was off. Someone had knocked over their drink and felt guilty. They went to their car to get napkins, but on the way forgot about their guilt and drove home. Neither Everyday Yeah nor I had been invited. After five minutes at the party we were both upset that we hadn’t brought our own portable radios. The room was crowded, but no one said anything. A few noticed the knocked over drink, but didn’t let it worry them. One lady in the corner was sewing a patch on her dress and you could hear every stitch.