If you only see one concert this year, make sure you see
Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band.

EDY: welcome to
the review of the foot fist way (the following is a conversationg between everyday yeah, his roommate, and Mr. Thieves Jargon)

Thieves: Do you think this review will make enemies
for you the same way the review for that nosebleed book will?

EDY:only if chuck
the truck has a blog

Thieves: Maybe Julio has a blog.

Thieves: If "rinky-dink" was your word of
the day for yesterday, what would be your word of the day for today?

EDY: ezsleepmatresses.com

aaron.fix: ez sound proofing

EDY: ezsoundproof.com

aaron.fix: If you only see one movie in 2008, make it
The Foot Fist Way

Thieves: What was the main character's name again?
Frank something?

EDY: if you only
see one movie see batman

mr. simmons

aaron.fix: Yea Fred Simmons according to google

Thieves: What do you think Fred Simmons' parents
were like?

aaron.fix: A lot like him

EDY: mom has a
mustache

dad pisses on mother's wedding ring

Thieves: Did he have any siblings you reckon?

aaron.fix: Older brothers that picked on him for sure

Maybe even sisters that beat him up

Thieves: Older brothers make sense, because they
would have got him into Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee movies.

EDY: all i know is
that i don't think i've ever had anything like that happen to me

Thieves: Anything like what?

EDY: that movie

even if i owned a dojo and wasn't an
only child

aaron.fix: Why do you think his whore wife was
carrying Xeroxes of her ass and boobs in a manila folder?

Thieves: Meeeeemories.

aaron.fix: SPOILER ALERT

Thieves: Or maybe her pesky office workers were
playing a practical joke on her.

EDY: i don't think
i know of any other places

maybe in the refrigerator

Thieves: The tell-off at the end might have been the
best tell-off I've seen since Clark Griswold drank all the eggnog in Christmas vacation.

I'd like to see a transcript of it, because
half of it was missed because of all the laughter in the audience.

aaron.fix: truth

EDY: interesting
fact about danny mcbride, the man who played mr simmons. he was in superbad. he
was a standin at the party at 5th and paysview

Thieves: And the director was his creepy blonde
friend, right?

aaron.fix: How the hell am I supposed to remember who
he was in that movie?

EDY: well not in
superbad, but yeah in the foot fist way

aaron.fix: ok

In the preview there is a song by
Andrew W.K.

why do you think it wasn't in the movie?

EDY: previews in
2008 are better than the actual movies in most cases

if i was a big name director i
wouldn't make full lengths anymore

Thieves: I think
Andrew WK's brother played Chuck the Truck, I detect a strong familial
resemblance.

Where's the market for short-lengths, aside
from midget porn?

EDY: i'd just make
previews of movies that didn't exist

grindhouse had the right idea

aaron.fix: you could review movies that don't exist

EDY: you could
call them iphone movies

Thieves: My research has led me to believe that TKD
is actually the shittiest of all martial arts except for capoeira.

In terms of street fighting
effectiveness.

aaron.fix: truth

EDY: you know how
in the movie when the guy hits the old woman in the face and then kicks her in
the gut?

aaron.fix: all the guys at my Jiu Jitsu place made fun
of it

SPOILER ALERT

Thieves: He kicked her in the gut? I thought it was
a well-placed boot to the face.

EDY: this lady,
we'll call her kobe, seemed pretty knowledgable in TKD and probably would still
get raped 9 times out of 10 if the ally was somewhere in the NBA finals on ABC
in HD

how is that a spoiler alert

they show it in the preview

lets do all kinds of spoiler alerts

Thieves: Did this movie take place in Texas or New
Hampshire?

SPOILER ALERT

EDY: do not go see
this movie if you are a fan of strong marriages that endure all kinds of bumps
in the road anywhere from handjobs to your boss to having sex with a truck man

i don't know what i said there

aaron.fix: I don't know where the movie took place but
it looked like a really shitty place SPOILER ALERT

EDY: i think i'm
still emotionally distraught from losing by eleven points in basketball a half
hour ago

aaron.fix: SPOILER ALERT

you weren't really trying hard though

I guess neither was I

EDY: i'm not very
good when the court is wet

aaron.fix: that's weakness

Thieves: Do you think wet workout mats would stop
Frank Simmons from putting on a bitchin' demo?

aaron.fix: Fred Simmons would punch Mark Baumer in the
face and tell him to do better

EDY: yeah, i mean
he couldn't even break a simple board when julio kind of held the wood a little
wobbly

aaron.fix: we all know that was Julio's fault

Q: wouldn't that movie have been perfect for
the song "Me and Julio down by the school yard" by Paul Simon?

A: yes but the royalties would have
cost more than the entire movie's budget

EDY: sorry

aaron.fix: Henry before the party or after?

before, Julio wipes the floor with his face

Thieves: SPOILER ALERT

EDY: what's
stewing over there mr. digangi?

Thieves: I'm stewing in questions.

For instance, what if the blonde
weirdo from Sexual Warrior, also a 5th degree black belt, fought Chuck the
Truck, what would that have been like?

aaron.fix: I think that would have ended in kissing

EDY: i would like
to see a movie of just chuck the truck

aaron.fix: http://www.chuckthetruck.com/

Thieves: Link 11 is called "Cab Assy"

aaron.fix: and her
"work papers"

Thieves: In my book
publicity class the other day, the professor said that reviews should not be
summaries, but instead, evaluative, essays if you will.

SPOILER ALERT

Which means this movie should be
evaluated amongst its peers.

Karate Kid, Kung Fu Hustle, and Napoleon
Dynamite.

aaron.fix: Star Wars

EDY: I like star
wars more

aaron.fix: SATC (Sex and
the City)

Thieves: What is SATC?

EDY: i actually think it goes kung fu hustle.
then napoleon dynamite

and then karate kid

aaron.fix: Mark you have
seen both movies. In your opinion, who is the bigger whore, the wife in The
Foot Fist Way or every single chick in Sex And The City

EDY: i'm just basing it on the previews for thse
movies

ive never seen a preview for karate kid

aaron.fix: and as a corollary to this line of
questioning, how many HJ's occur in the SATC movie?

EDY: i mean its
tough because both are not hiding that they are whores

its a class thing

Thieves: Whores come in all classes.

aaron.fix: but do they
give HJ's in all classes?

Thieves: Do you think
those were the actresses actual breasts in the manilla folder?

aaron.fix: that's a
puzzler

EDY:: no HJs, but
i do know that on the TV show once one of the chicks wouldn't sleep with a guy
but gave him a HJ

that's a good prank

Thieves: I thought
HJ's sort of stopped sometime shortly after college. More an age thing opposed
to a class thing.

EDY: that guy must
have been the worst

Thieves: But I've
never dated a high class girl, so I can't say for sure.

aaron.fix: My guess is
that they actually give HJ's longer than lower class girls

they prudes anyways

Thieves: How many
people in the theater last night got HJ's in the middle of the movie?

EDY: yes those were her actual boobs

no doubt i my mind

those sketch comics before the show surely
gave each other HJ afterwards

Thieves: That was my
bext line of thought.

aaron.fix: It would have been better if they did that
in front of us

instead of the sketch comedy

Thieves: The
sketch-comedy troupe (SPOILER ALERT) seemed to be a big HJ crew.

Bunch of HJ artsts.

aaron.fix: you know what
really made the evening though was the music playing in the theatre before the
HJ/Sketch comedy group

really good stuff

EDY: if i was
doing publicity for the fist foot way i would just hand out photocopies of
boobs

nothing written on pages

just boobs photocopied, that's it

Please help promote Foot Fist Way by printing out these photocopied breasts and passing them out in the street.

Thieves: When you post the review of this movie,
that should be your feature picture.

Not the actual movie poster.

aaron.fix: but where do
you get those boobs?

the girls upstairs?

Thieves: Do you have some filthy neighbors?

EDY: target="_blank">

that is them at work

Thieves: I'm reluctant
to watch that video at work.

aaron.fix: that's the right decision

Thieves: I don't have
a privacy screen.

But speaking of work, I should probably go do
some.

We should wrap up this review with a ranking
system.

EDY: i give this movie a toe

Okay, so this video is kind of lame. It's pretty corny. Oh well. One take and we threw it on the internet. The Strangers is seriously a very scary movie.  And also, don't let this picture tell you anything.  To me this picture kind of looks comical.  It wasn't in anyway.  Still i can't help but laugh at this picture.  Why is the guy wearing a giant baseball cover on his head?

January
30^th was a long time coming. When my roommate came home last
fall to tell me that the new construction down the street was going
to be a Chipotle restaurant, I thought he was trying to play World Knowledge Quest.

Minneapolis, MN (AP) – In a surprise* move, the Minnesota Twins dealt leftie Johan Santana to apartment 12A Sutherland Road in Brighton, MA, in exchange for a little known prospect.

The Twins dealt Santana on Monday for Mark Baumer, a former designated hitter for the Wheaton College Lyons (Division III). Baumer played four seasons for the Lyons, highlighted by a 2005 in which he hit .318 with 8 doubles and 9 home runs for an OPS of .952. His production fell off sharply in his senior year of 2006.

“Obviously, looking at our run production last year, we needed to do something drastic,” said new Twins general Manager Bill Smith, who has also acquired the elderly Craig Monroe since being named GM after Terry Ryan’s retirement. “The combination of Baumer and Monroe should give us some right-handed power in the middle of the lineup, and some protection for our young lefties.”

Those “young lefties” are catcher Joe Mauer and first baseman Justin Morneau, each of whom have already spoken out criticizing the deal. Smith has already had to defend himself after many players and fans pointed out that Monroe hit .219 last season, was designated for assignement in August as a 30-year old, and is severely overpaid. He will now have his work cut out for himself trying to justify the decision to deal a two-time Cy Young Award winner who is arguably the best left-handed pitcher in the world for an out of shape former division III athlete who has never taken a minor league at-bat.

Brighton, MA (AP) – After asking everyone in the room if they wanted to play cards and being roundly refused, two fat chicks decided to play a one-on-one game of “asshole” in the early hours of the morning at a party on Sutherland Road.

BRIGHTON, Ma. (AP) – Mark Baumer converted 2 out of 3 attempted lies for a .667 average before scampering from the room and declaring the conversation over, sealing his 2-0 victory against Aaron Fix on opening night of World Knowledge Quest play.