Roy Kesey was China then Peru then USA. I am jealous that he is China then Peru then USA. I wish I could be in China then Peru then USA. I am only USA then USA then USA. Roy Kesey is on paper too. He has many papers and they are put in a binder. He has a few binders full of his pages. One of them has 152 pages. It is called ALL OVER. If you are in China then Peru then USA you should say hello to Roy Kesey. This is his two-minute mind:

“Bed. Bed bed bed we do not have a bed but need a bed. Fucking air mattress stupid fucking air mattress fucking uncomfortable we need a bed. Craigslist love hate unsure. Kids' beds okay school okay house okay jeep okay no bed no job. Bikes okay no silverware. Plastic silverware. Washing plastic silverware each night as if silver silverware but also out the window a squirrel and that is nice. New for us. New squirrels. Nice squirrels. Sheets okay towels okay no lawnmower. The landlord will rent us a lawnmower. Rent not lend us a lawnmower! Utilities okay. No job. Okay. A job soon but no bed no kids' soccer team call on kids' soccer teams call on job call on bed call on bed call on bed call on bed until we have a bed and then okay.”

Elizabeth Ellen is a writer. I think she dated Eminem or wrote the script for 8-mile. I don’t know. She wrote a book about how to own pitbulls and be friendly to people who you have to deal with after your pitbull eats their dog. I think every person who has ever submitted a story online has had a crush on Elizabeth Ellen at some point.  This is Elizabeth Ellen's two-minute mind:

"I can’t stop thinking about this stripper in Ypsi, which makes me a sucker, like every other asshole who goes to a strip club and gets a lap dance, I realize, but all the same, I can’t stop thinking about her. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I’m in love with her. It’s not like that at all. I’ve been to strip clubs before. I like to take people to them to watch their responses. Half the people I take are uncomfortable and half are comfortable. Neither is a right or wrong response. I just like to know which. The best strip club I ever went to was this one in Portland. I met another stripper there who I liked a lot and couldn’t stop thinking about for a month or two after. She came and sat at our table for a while and smoked a couple cigarettes and told us about her kids and I wanted to kiss her and be bff’s. I figured I’d end up babysitting a lot cause I really am a sucker, but I was okay with that. But I don’t live in Portland, so it wasn’t an issue. But the cool thing about that strip club was that they had a tank of piranhas and you could pay a girl to feed them. The stripper I talked to said some guy once paid her to stick her tits in there and move them back and forth across the top of the water and she did it but she moved them really, super fast so she didn’t get bit. I can’t remember how much he paid her but I think it was like a hundred bucks. I didn’t have a hundred bucks on me but I wished I did cause I would have liked to have seen that. The stripper at the club in Ypsi wasn’t as chatty as the one in Portland. I mean, she was nice, she talked, but mostly she got down to business. This is what made me uncomfortable. To be honest, I didn’t think she’d take my tits out. That’s never happened before and it happened pretty much right away once we were in the back, after she asked me if I really liked girls or if my friends were just having fun with me. I told her somewhere in between and she told me I could touch anywhere but under her panties. Another thing that made me uncomfortable about the situation was the fact that I wasn’t wearing underwear. I had on this dress that was sort of clingy. You can’t wear underwear under this dress. I tried. I put on three different pair, but you could always tell so I took them off. I hadn’t planned on getting a lap dance that night and even if I had, I wouldn’t have thought she’d get down on her knees between mine and hike up my dress. Later I wanted to compare notes with my friend who also got a lap dance but I didn’t want to feel like I was bragging if she didn’t get her tits taken out or her dress hiked. Also, it probably would have killed me if she had, which is the real reason why I didn’t ask. Like I said, I’m just as much a sucker as the next guy. The last thing the stripper said to me before I stood up and fixed my bra and straightened my dress was, “you’re going to get me fired.” I wasn’t sure how to take that. You could take it a couple of different ways, which is what I’ve been thinking about."

Jereme Dean lives in an old people home. He eats frosted flakes out of a bonsai bowl. His head is very ordinary, but once someone said, “Hey, Jereme has a weird head huh?” So there is that. He also has a nice blog. This is his two-minute mind:

Matthew Savoca does not own his own cookie company. He does not own gay birds. Maybe he does. Someone was talking about homosexuality on college campuses which made me think about gay birds when I was supposed to be trying to think about Matthew Savoca’s bio. The following is Matthew Savoca’s two-minute mind:

I recently interviewed Rainn Wilson of Dwight Schrute fame and I asked him to trust me and offer up the thoughts of his mind. I asked if he could close his eyes and describe what popped into his head. We were at the restaurant Moo… in Boston. This is what Mr. Wilson said:

Spencer Dew is one of the best the internet literary scene has to offer. He's been published in Juked, The 2nd Hand, and Thieves Jargon, among others. His book Songs of Insurgency just came out in 2008.

Jacob McArthur Mooney recently wrote The New Layman's Almanac. He is also an editor at Thieves Jargon.

Tom McCarthy directed this movie called The Visitor. It stars Richard Jenkins.

EDY: I'm curious about your view on what's going on with the Supersonics right now. You've obviously been a fan for a long time and now it looks like they're moving. Feel free to rant as much as you want.

David Shields: Not too interested in this topic, I must admit. I just don’t follow sports anymore, Mark.

EDY If you want, I'd love to trade some questions and answers in a kind of informal interview

Elizabeth Crane Sure, I'll answer questions for you.

Jim Sturgess was in that musical about the Beatles and is in both The Other Boleyn Girl and 21.

Here's an interview where he admits smuggling in cigars from Cuba. Also, the interview is by three other film reviewers and an idiot reviewer. You can guess who the idiot reviewer is.

as always this picture isn't a realistic representation of interviewed

I got a chance to trade emails with Mr. Ben Tanzer over the past couple weeks. He’s an interesting character, but you can’t help feel bad for him when you hear of how he got caught in the cult movement of TBWCYL.

***

One can only hope that people see The Signal instead of going to see George Romero's rehashed Zombie expulge Diary of the Dead. And despite your initial reaction to the following interview with directors Dan Bush, David Bruckner, and Jacob Gentry it is worth your time to see this movie.

Interview Transmission #1:

Ben Myers is a British writer. He wrote a book called The Book of Fuck. Zach Forsberg-Lary didn't read this book, but still gave it a harsh review. Mr. Myers thought this was funny so Zach sat down and traded questions with him across the Atlantic.

by Zach Forsberg-Lary

I do not pretend to be one this generation’s great interviewers. Usually, I ramble on for too long. I apologize to the readers and the scientists that I interviewed.

The above picture is an artist’s rendition of Mr. Ball. I only had two dollars to spend on the sketch and I guess that’s the best I could do for my money.