Minneapolis, MN (AP) – In a surprise* move, the Minnesota Twins dealt leftie Johan Santana to apartment 12A Sutherland Road in Brighton, MA, in exchange for a little known prospect. The Twins dealt Santana on Monday for Mark Baumer, a former designated hitter for the Wheaton College Lyons (Division III). Baumer played four seasons for the Lyons, highlighted by a 2005 in which he hit .318 with 8 doubles and 9 home runs for an OPS of .952. His production fell off sharply in his senior year of 2006. “Obviously, looking at our run production last year, we needed to do something drastic,” said new Twins general Manager Bill Smith, who has also acquired the elderly Craig Monroe since being named GM after Terry Ryan’s retirement. “The combination of Baumer and Monroe should give us some right-handed power in the middle of the lineup, and some protection for our young lefties.” Those “young lefties” are catcher Joe Mauer and first baseman Justin Morneau, each of whom have already spoken out criticizing the deal. Smith has already had to defend himself after many players and fans pointed out that Monroe hit .219 last season, was designated for assignement in August as a 30-year old, and is severely overpaid. He will now have his work cut out for himself trying to justify the decision to deal a two-time Cy Young Award winner who is arguably the best left-handed pitcher in the world for an out of shape former division III athlete who has never taken a minor league at-bat. On the other hand, Aaron Fix of 12A Sutherland Rd who brokered the deal with Smith is ecstatic. “Johan is going to be a big help in our pickup football games at the park,” he remarked Monday. “He should also fit in nicely with our intramural softball team.” In addition to joining the 12A Sutherland Road boys in their casual athletic ambitions, Santana will take over Baumer’s morning shift at the front desk of Commonwealth Sports Club, maintain the website everydayyeah.com, and date Gabi Goodman of Somerville, MA. The move should also benefit Baumer, who had been unable to produce at 12A Sutherland Road. He should fit nicely into a lineup that received -6 home runs from the DH position last year. If he can match the home run power of Jason Tyner, he will be an upgrade for the Twins, who will save $13 million by dealing Santana. The only remaining question mark is how Fix plans to pay “el Presidente”. When asked, he only responded that “we have a few more deals in the works,” implying that 12A Sutherland Road would move some salary this off-season to make room for Santana’s heavy paycheck. This has fueled speculation that Samson Alva, Fix's other roommate, could be the next to be moved, though Fix declined to comment more specifically. * other surprises: one two three four five