Not a single American game carries quite the same sense of anticipation and terror as Monkeyball. There have been a few Russian games played amongst the country’s intelligentsia that inspire similar feelings, but these games involve a series of rules and strategies that can’t be described in a single setting. Instead, these Russian sports must be learned and developed over a lifetime. Monkeyball is a simple game. The odd thing though, is that it doesn’t necessarily need monkeys or balls to be successful. Many people have confused it with a game that goes by another name that can be best described as kickball using a monkey instead of a rubber sphere. The most important aspect is the setting of the game. All lights must be turned off. This mostly prohibits the game from being played outdoors in the daylight or even in a room with windows during daylight hours unless of course you tape up the windows to obstruct light from getting in. The best scenario for a day game is for the playing field to be in a windowless room. Most contests of Monkeyball take place at night. With the lights off, it makes for a very favorable setting, conducive for the highest level of play. This game should not be played with young children who already show signs of being afraid of the dark. In 1983, the first game of Monkeyball was played. Many historians claim this initial contest took place in a dark theatre, but there has been a recent movement amongst historians whose new findings seem to prove the first game was played in a dark maternity ward of the hospital when one of the newborns began chanting monkey noises for no reason. One of the most enjoyable parts of Monkeyball can be the act of turning out the lights if one person in the room doesn’t want to play the game. Unlike most sports, Monkeyball is not an audience friendly contest. In fact, audiences are prohibited from watching, mostly because it is impossible to watch this game. Also, anyone in or on the playing field during Monkeyball automatically becomes a part of the game. In a particular violent contest that took place last April in a room full of men ranging from high school teenagers to middle aged thirty-somethings three fingers were broken, six stitches were needed, and two lamps were unsalvageable. One of the younger players turned the lights out which resulted in the first light being knocked off the lamp stand. Two of the fingers were broken as men tried to flee the room and lock themselves in the closet. The stitches and the other broken lamp were the result of someone answering the pleas of another player who was repeatedly yelling, “Someone shut me up. Someone shut me up. Someone shut me up…” game created by Mark Baumer