Thanksgiving Reviews By Zach Forsberg-Lary Thanksgiving # 1 “Friend’s Thanksgiving” Host: Joseph Rochira Location: Sawyer Ave. Warwick RI, 02818 Date: Sunday November 18, 2007 Time: 4:00 PM Attendees: 25+ Food Quantity: 10/10 Food Quality: 8/10 Food Variety: 7/10 X-Factor: 4/10 Overall Score: 6/10 High Point: Reminiscing with Pat Splaine about the dumb shit we used to do when we were kids. Low Point: Having to sneak out the back-door for a cigarette. Comments: Four turkeys: two oven-cooked, one deep-fried, and one smoked! Joe is a great host. His recently restored 1968? Camaro is looking pretty sharp. Heidi Warner called me a bad boyfriend because I left Erika to fend for herself with people she didn’t know. Miss Sandra D was in the house, which made me happy. Teddy Splaine asked gender-biased trivia questions after the meal. Thanksgiving # 2 “The Larys” Host: Richard and Marian Lary Location: 35 Sandalwood Ave. Warwick RI, 02886 Date: Thursday November 22, 2007 Time: 12:00 PM Attendees: 6 Food Quantity: 5/10 Food Quality: 8/10 Food Variety: 4/10 X-Factor: 7/10 Overall Score: 7/10 High Point: My Grandfather offered to teach me how to shoot guns next summer. I said I was interested. Low Point: Carrying tons of boxes from their basement to their attic before the meal. Comments: Good food, good company. There was kind of a lonely vibe in the house. Most of our family is in different states now, so it was kind of a weak showing. Had to rush out after dinner to make Thanksgiving # 3. Thanksgiving # 3 “The Townsends” Host: John and “Tyke” Townsend Location: 414 Middle Bridge Rd. Narragansett RI, 02879 Date: Thursday November 22, 2007 Time: 2:00 PM Attendees: 14 Food Quantity: 7/10 Food Quality: 8/10 Food Variety: 5/10 X-Factor: 8/10 Overall Score: 8/10 High Point: 5 crazy kids of varying ages and sizes. Low Point: Erika’s dad beat me at skipping rocks when we went for a walk after the meal. Comments: Welcoming inviting people. One of my girlfriend’s little cousins had a crush on me, which was cute. The kids were high-energy, which is always fun. The food was good and the conversation was entertaining. Thanksgiving # 4 “Black Thanksgiving” Host: Tammy and Troy Location: 154 Spring St. Windsor Locks CT, 06096 Date: Saturday November 24, 2007 Time: 12:00 PM Attendees: 20+ Food Quantity: 9/10 Food Quality: 9/10 Food Variety: 9/10 X-Factor: 10/10 Overall Score: 9/10 High Point: Jake and Jared / seeing a whole slew of family I rarely see. Low Point: Leaving early. Comments: I say “Black Thanksgiving” not because that’s really significant, but I needed a way to distinguish it from the others, and it sounded catchy. It also happened to be with my Black side of the family. 4 of my 5 siblings from my mom’s husband’s side of the family were there. Everyone is nice, generous, inviting, funny, and warm. I feel at home with this side of the family, and always have something to talk about (especially since 80 % of them are teachers). Thanksgiving # 5 “Thanksvegan” Host: Jess and Patti Location: Orrin St. Cambridge MA, 02138 Date: Wednesday November 28, 2007 Time: 6:30 PM Attendees: 10+ Food Quantity: 7/10 Food Quality: 9/10 Food Variety: 8/10 X-Factor: 6/10 Overall Score: 7/10 High Point: Keeping the streak of never arriving totally sober at Jess Kelly’s house. Low Point: The bus ride home. Comments: Good people, good food. Jess Kelly always knows where it’s at. For all you losers who react negatively to the idea of vegetarian and vegan food: you are losers. I’ll say it once, and I’ll say it again: good food is good food, regardless of what’s in it. If you eat a meal and you’re like, “Damn this is the fucking bomb,” and you find out you were eating kitten brains… who the fuck cares, it tasted good. So who cares if it’s healthy non-animal food products instead of meat and dairy? If it tastes good, fucking eat it.