Name: Risperidone Prescribed for: Schizophrenia (that fake illness people love to pretend is real) General Information I’m not even entirely sure that Risperidone is anything more than a sugar pill. Maybe there’s some aspirin thrown in there to give it a medicine taste, but that’s about it. I mean, I’m a chemist, but I’ve never actually done a chemical analysis of those pills. I spend my time finding cures for real diseases. Schizophrenia? That shit is made up. I’m serious. How do I know that? My whore of an ex-wife allegedly suffered from it. But I’m 100% positive she was just using it to milk sympathy from the judge at our divorce proceedings. You see, one of the reasons we separated in the first place was that Gina would have these crazy mood swings. We’d be sitting down for a nice dinner I had prepared, and she’d go from sweet and loving to bitchy and violent in a matter of seconds. Or I’d wake up in the middle of the night and find her sleeping on the floor, sucking her thumb and saying how she didn’t want to go to Kindergarten the next day. Fucked up, right? That’s what I thought. So I fucking divorced her. Problem was, that bitch found some doctor to tell the judge that she had schizophrenia. Yeah, right. My wife had chicken pox when she was seven. She told me that herself! You can’t get schizophrenia if you’ve already had the chicken pox. That’s a fact. I’m a chemist. I should know. Besides, it was clear the she didn’t even have any hives on her body. That’s like the number one sign that a person has schizophrenia! Cautions and Warnings Warnings? Here’s a warning: don’t marry a fucking psycho. When we first started dating, I’d always call her up. Her roommate would answer, and she’d hit on me a ton. That might have been my fault. Her roommate sounded almost exactly like Gina, except somehow darker and more violent. That really turned me on, so the first couple times, I’d start talking dirty back to her. But the fucked up shit that she would start saying after that freaked me out. She’d be all like, “Gina is a bitch! I will kill Gina! This is my body!” Ok, whatever. I guess psychos congregate together. Also, here’s a little caution for you: when you’re in court, don’t scream, “Yeah, Gina!? Well, at least I’m not a brain-fucked whore of a cunt who can’t even remember her own name!” That got me in some hot water. I did feel a little bad about that one afterwards; since my mom had Alzheimer’s and couldn’t even remember her own name after a certain point. I drove straight to her grave and put some flowers down after I left the courthouse. Alzheimer’s: that’s a hell of a disease. It’s so sad to see someone you love slowly lose their mind. Unfortunately, Gina’s only problem was that she was a raging, crazy bitch. Possible Side Effects If you take Risperidone, you’ll get all of your husband’s money. It worked for my wife. Why the fuck else would I be doing freelance writing for a shitty Pill Book when I could just focus on inventing wicked sweet chemicals and medicines and making some easy bank? information compiled by Alex Butzbach