The Hypothetical Heidi Klum Marriage We live in an unfortunate world. For example, Heidi Klum is a beautiful woman. Everyone knows this. I know this very well. In fact, one day I will marry her. The unfortunate part is that it probably won’t be until we are both in our seventies. I am curious by nature though and I can’t help that my mind wanders. What would happen if I somehow came across her husband in a fish tank and he really was a seal? I can kind of guess what might happen if I came across that same situation and I was carrying a club. Regardless, there are thousands of theoretical questions involving Heidi Klum that I would like answered. 1. How many burritos would I have to eat before Heidi Klum invites me to her child’s birthday? 2. At what time would I have to take a bath if I wanted to guarantee that Heidi Klum will coincidentally sit in the same row as me at the movies? 3. How many pencils do I have to sharpen before Heidi Klum’s dry cleaning is confused with mine? 4. What’s the minimum number of mail order penguins I’d have to purchase with my parent’s credit card before Heidi Klum’s maid confides in me all of Heidi’s domestic secrets in a language other than English and Spanish. 5. How drunk would a person have to get before they thought I was Heidi Klum? 6. How many days would I have to refrain from using the bathroom before Heidi Klum was found blindfolded wearing my high school prom tuxedo in the trunk of my car? Basically, the questions are endless and the possibilities limitless. I hope that now one can truly understand what a great game The Hypothetical Heidi Klum Marriage can be in a group setting or even alone in one’s room. By the way, the answer to the above questions are all three thousand except for question two which is noon.