BRIGHTON, Ma. (AP) – Mark Baumer converted 2 out of 3 attempted lies for a .667 average before scampering from the room and declaring the conversation over, sealing his 2-0 victory against Aaron Fix on opening night of World Knowledge Quest play. The victory did not come easy, as Fix at first scoffed at the idea that Fuji’s main export was soybeans. Baumer claimed that his recently purchased package of tofu confirmed this “fact”, without bothering to explain whether he was referring to Mount Fuji or the city Fuji, located in Shizuoka, Japan. He took a further risk by suggesting that Fuji’s second leading export was reptiles for dissection in high school biology class. In a bizarre sequence of events, Fix did not choose to question the validity of these statements beyond his initial skepticism, and even went so far as to make jokes with Baumer about these exports. Fix also neglected to attempt a single lie during the game. “I didn’t know we were playing”, said a disgruntled Fix during the post-game press conference. “I was only even peripherally aware of the game’s existence. After Mark’s victory celebration, I couldn’t figure out what was going on. He had to explain to me what game we were playing, and that he had won.” Despite his opponent’s ignorance of the game being played, Baumer lived dangerously, choosing to stretch the Fuji lie and then claim that “scratching your beard gives you cancer”. To his credit, Fix deflected this attempted lie, but still did not suspect Baumer’s motives. “That’s the tough thing about playing against him” said Fix. “He says that sort of crap all the time anyways”. Realizing he may be on thin ice, Baumer sprinted from the room, slapping the door jam on the way out and declaring himself the winner. At first he maintained that he had converted 3 lies, before conceding that Fix probably did not believe the one about scratching his beard. There are also some questions about whether Fix believed what Baumer had to say about Fuji’s reptile exports. But since Fix did not even attempt to retaliate with a falsehood of his own, the outcome was not affected by the scoring of the play. The two are also involved in an ongoing game of John Calvin’s Ball, which Fix currently leads 1,234,567 to -800,514. He took a commanding lead during the game of World Knowledge Quest, when Mark ate a meal that multiplied his point total by -1.